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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2007/07/23

All this is to stressful for me.


Morning Professor Simpson.

I have a bit of a dilemma.

I’m 26 years old, and been Trying to conceive with no luck. Hubby is 25 years old and has a kid from his previous relationship. Married for 19 months.

And the Trying to conceive with no luck is just too stressful for me.

Beside that I feel like I’m loosing my hearing as well. Went for a hearing test, and it was confirm. ENT specialist wants me to start using a hearing aid and I just feel like I’m too young to be depended on a hearing aid I’ll rather go for a second opinion, and have an operation done. All this is to stressful for me.


I just feel that I don’t get enough commitment from respect from my husband. It’s been said that if you want respect you should give respect. I’ve tried that recipe, but its doesn’t work for me.
Like for instance yesterday while lying in bed, I ve mention that I don’t like the way you do things, and he responded by saying that just show what I think of you. Believe me that really hurt.
Any way I just let it go, than he mention something that you starting to do things just like my ex, and he mention the name, I got so mad, telling him to stop mention her name in our house. One thing lead to other and us fighting.
30 minutes later, he got in his car and he left; only come back last night.

Professor, I don’t have a problem if there are arguments, in our house by why should he always feeling the need to take the arguments outside the house.

I’m so mad it him right now, because I feel we both could have handle the situation better.
WE giving each other the silent treatment, as I feel so hopeless in the situation.
How can I prevent him from running away from a problem without solving it, cause honestly him getting in his car and leave does not solve any problem, just bring resentment from my side.

I hate feeling the way I do today.

Any professional comment, advice will be appreciated.

Regards




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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Guys, it is TERRIBLY difficult for me to handle dozens of very very long messages, especially when they all pile up on a monday --- at least try to spread them through the week, and edit them to render them more brief and to the point. A long discussion with all the details belongs in a paid session with your own personal shrink.
Sorry to hear about all this. Seeing acounsellor, especially of the CBT format could really help you to cope better with all these stresses. Sometimes, fertility is impaired by stress and distress, and is improved when treatment helps you to handle that better.
A second opinion about the hearing sounds like a good idea, as one can only assess a proposed treatment when sure about the cause / diagnosis.
In the examples you quote, it sounds as though both of you are feeling stressed, and that both of you could have handled the situations better. Could you persuade him to join you in marriage counselling ? As you say, his just running away from a problem never helps to solve it.
And as maria says, sorrt out the mariage first, before deciding to have a child

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2007/07/23

Thanks Maria.

Just i feel so hopeless with the situation with my husband

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Maria | 2007/07/23

Shame Anon. I have recently been researching hearing loss and aids after we found out that our 5 year old daughter is completely deaf in one ear. Have you seen an audiologist or speech therapist? Both of these will be able to give you info from a different point of view than a doctor. We are not sure yet whether or not my daughter needs the hearing aids and I'm not keen as she seems to be coping, but if we realise she needs them we will definitely get them. Don't feel you are too young - if hearing aids will improve your quality of life then why wait? Get them as soon as your medical aid allows and if possible try to have a hairstyle that will cover the hearing aids.

Babies cause stress in marriages, and it's really not fair to bring a child into an already stressed relationship. Don't give in to pressure from other people on this, rather try and sort things out with your husband first.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Anon | 2007/07/23



Hi Maria

Thanks for your reply.

My hearing loss has an impact on my marriage, social life, and work. I was normal the high confident person, and over night things has change,

I struggle to conceive, and people are asking when the baby is coming and I don’t really have a good answer. I normal responded by saying Gods time is not our time, my hearing problem makes me to avoid going socialising. The ENT specialist said, it was so bad that they can perform and operation, as the operation will no really help, and suggested a hearing aid. I really don’t want to us a hearing aid.
Besides my medial aid is exhausted, and I can only sort out the hearing problem next year, when the medical is sorted out again.

The only think that makes my loss faith in my marriage is the husband is really very immature, and I would love for us to be able to sort out things in a more civilise way.

But its take two.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Maria | 2007/07/23

Hi Anon, it really sounds as if life is tough for you at the moment. Perhaps trying to conceive while you and your husband are having such serious problems is not the best idea? Do you really want to bring a child into this situation? I think you should go for some marital therapy and sort out your issues before you think of having kids. You are still young - there is time enough for babies.

As for the hearing loss, did the ENT tell you what caused it? Getting a second opinion is a very good idea. Unless your hearinig loss is so acute that it has a big impact on your daily life you can probably take your time and think about it carefully before you decide how to deal with it.

Good luck.

Reply to Maria

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