Posted by: Guilty | 2009/03/10

All My fault?

My marriage is not in a good way at all. When I try and broach the subject, my husband says it is because of my depression. I do not know anymore if he is at fault in any way or if it is all in my perception. I am working and functioning very well. He on the other hand has no friends, no libido, no interests etc. I am very active and he is very inactive. Am i just being intolerant. Have suggested that he see someone about his depression, which he feels does not exist. I really want to leave him, but am so scared that i am not rational. Who can advise me? Who can be objective?

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Our expert says:
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Within a relationship, problems are rarely one person's fault. It takes two to tango, and this is why marriage counselling is generally a sound idea, even if one may have to work hard to persuade the partner to join the process. And it's typical of a flawed person to seek to find no fault in himself and to blame someone else. Of course you're not just being intolerant. SO he maintains that Depression does not exist for him --- but aren't there aspects of his condition he grumbles about, so you might persuade him to seek help for THOSE, and tip off the doctor when he goes ? I don't see why one should assume that you are being irrationl --- but why not see a counsellor, for yourself, to review your perceptions and concerns ?

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