Posted by: Roni | 2007/06/15

all i wanted was to have a good relation

hi cs

I am so depressed right now! I broke up with my baby's father about two years ago and as much as I still love him (despite the hurt that he caused me) all that I really wanted right now, was to be in good terms with him - you know being friends and he is just this difficult person. What kind of a person is he? I fail to understand why is he like this, and I pray to God to help me understand why he had to father my child. I am hurting so bad and it's just killing me inside. He walked out on us and I respect the fact that he might have found happiness else where but why be so cruel to someone he once shared a life with? Was he pretending and did he just get tired of pretending? how do you bring a human being in this earth and just pretend that they don't exist! I wish someone could just help me deal with this please.

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Our expert says:
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Its sad when nice people like you insist on remaining in love with unloveable or unloveworthy people. I;m sorry you have been hurting so much. He is apparently a difficult person --- that's how he is, there's no mysterious reason to be discovered to explain this. Why did he "have to father your child" ? Well, I guess the two of you slept together, and that's a very possible consequence. It may seem very hard to understand why he is apparently NOT the nice guy you convinced yourself he was. His cruelty is indeed despicable. But focussing on him isn't productive. Fat better than you see a good local counsello to work through these feelings, to free yourself from him, and look after your child and yourself, and leave him far behind in your dust.
Excellent response from Single Mom

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Posted by: Single Mom | 2007/06/15

Thats his way of saying 'move on, forget me as you can see I left you and now you mean nothing to me" He is just a coward not to tell you in your face.

I must say 'sorry' for your pain, I have been there and know the nights of tears and days of looking out for him to change and see you different... Not going to happen! You can not change him nor force/show him he can love/like you and be a friend. Can not be done!

All you can do is be a good mother, and daily reach out to be kind and gentle to yourself first and just not let him get to you. Hard to do? Yes! but is do-able if you reach within yourself and think about you and your child first. He comes last!

When mine got himself a women and was planning to marry her the next year, they are now married, he wrote an e-mail about some issue we were arguing about our child, at the end of it he said 'oh by the way I am getting married so my responsibilities will be elsewhere'
The cold chill ran up my body but you know what probably because I still loved him at the time? after a few minutes before I respond to him I then replied 'Good luck, I am happy for you, treat her with care and make sure you give her your full love and attention'.

I have these e-mails today because I feel it is from that day I felt free from him, I took my power back from him and then swore not to fight with him again no matter how strong he pushes and bullies me. I just now don't give him the satisfaction to ruin my day, because it is his way of making sure I live in misery for as long as he lives.

Just two weeks back, he sent an awful e-mail, the next weekend when he dropped off my child after a visit to him. I simply smiled and drove off. Just so he can see for himself, he is not hurting me in any way by anything he does.

So yes, it is hard, but you don't need a guy like that to be your pal even for the sake of your child, that he so walked away from. You don't need his approval nor his anything that he can manage to salvage out of his system.

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