Posted by: Zola | 2004/11/17

All girls I meet cheat on me? Whats really wrong!!

I ve been single for the entire life and started proposing women when I was 28, with the intention of getting married.

Girlz I dated and got involved with all cheated(7 of them). They are all decent professional and well behaved ladies, never cheated on anyone but ME. I confronted some of these Ex and they told me there is nothing wrong with me , just that I dont do it 4 them. Can it be a coincidence that I get the same answere from all of them or should I start worring about myself?.

I grew up in a christian environment that taught me that dating without an intention to get married is a sin. I ve reserved myself for the special girl, but for WHAT?

The girl I was going out with never had a b/friend before and I was glad that at least we can grow up together. Guess what after 6 months she cheated as well. When asking her , guess what same answer like everyone.

I m a strict person, go to church and girls I date are also from church. I try as much as Ican to be nice but they say I m controlling. I dont like a girl wearing trousers, I want them to be serious with church things, if the dont I get irritated. But I truly dont think that those issues can make them leave?

Whats wrong with me?

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Posted by: DaBlue | 2004/11/18

To me it sounds as if your religion is very important to you. You mention it a lot. Which is fine. you get different types of religions and they all have their different rules and so on. Most churches are different.

if you want to find a girl who will fit in with your beliefs, it will be a difficult task - as your beliefs are very specific. Maybe you are lucky to meet some one who had been raised in the same church and to whom religion is just as important. But trying to convince a Christian woman that your church's way is the only way, is a dangerous thing to do.

I am not much of a religious person and am a liberated woman. But I can see where you are coming from. Being a staunch believer is not a bad thing, but it is bound to alienate girls who aren't. You can't mix the two as they are two different worlds.

Good luck with your search, it will be a hard one. You seem to be very strict and very conservative - most women today are not open for that sort of thing, but there are exceptions. You need to let your hair down. you can still believe in God, without accepting certain moral restrictions. Life changes. Also, thank and appreciate your parents for how they raised you, but understand you are in control of your own life. You can make changes and still be a happy christian.
Good luck.

Reply to DaBlue
Posted by: nina | 2004/11/18

All I can gather from this is that, Zola, you're too desparate to get married that you chase these women away. My advise is, you need to decide which is more important - just getting married or whom you're getting married to.
If both, then it will take time because you gave to know the person first and both of you must be comfortable in the relationship before you can even consider married.

At the moment, a woman can (mis)interprete your beliefs as someone who just wants to get married then "mold" her into what you want her to be. Its a sign of obsession with the idea of marriage rather than who you married to and the responsibilities that go with it.

While its your right to have certain tastes / choices, have you thought of why you dont like pants on woman? Is it the pants as in the specific clothing item you have a problem with or what you think the pants represent? I wonder what else dont you like that you feel is not "churchly" - earings, make-up, independance etc.

After that introspection, look at todays world and realise that a lot of ladies do not conform to those values so accept that it might take a while to find what you want.
Be open-minded as well and as previously said good communication is key - because you may not be as controlling as you let yourself seem. Good luck.
is important

Reply to nina
Posted by: Shazz | 2004/11/17

Yeh i am a church person. Got no problem with being friends, if you cool with that, then yeh ok.

Reply to Shazz
Posted by: Zee | 2004/11/17

Here u go again " Are u a church person as well" Jeez get a life.

Why dont u relax and take a break, and enjoy ur lonely life broer. Or else Get a kit kat/black kat! mIAAAAAuuuu

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Zola | 2004/11/17

Hi Shazz

Can we perhaps hook up!! I m not looking 4 anything for now but just friendship?. Are u a church person as well?

Reply to Zola
Posted by: Shazz | 2004/11/17

Hey Zola, well i am a female, but i kinda know what you feel like when you say that you are hurt and lonely. There is someone out there for you, maybe you know her, maybe you dont. Just try and be patient and see what happens. I am in the same situation. I am also looking for someone, but oh well, will wait and see what happens :) have a good day

Reply to Shazz
Posted by: Dude | 2004/11/17

I reckon he has a communication problem from all this... in no way mean to add to the controlling aspect but just give a different aspect to the situation... using communcation as a problem due to him sayin that he dislikes pants and how other people may percieve that...

i dig chicks in pants... especially if its a nice tight fit going into a boot leg... nice and classy... don't believe its ones place to impose self expression someone else


Reply to Dude
Posted by: Zola | 2004/11/17

I dont know what to say people, but thanx 4 ur ideas. I think I will wait a bit before I find someone else, and do a bit of selfintrospection.

I hope its gonna work. Its just that I am dying to get married and I m running out of time, I need someone to share my life with , I m tired of being hurt and lonely

Reply to Zola
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/17

Maybe if you were to change the way you express your desires it would go along way to clearing things.
Don't say you hate women who wear pants - rather say, you love seeing woman in dresses instead of pants.
Hate is a strong word. Your g/f might take it that you would hate her if she decided to wear pants.
Maybe you have very definite ideas about what the woman in your life must dress like, and look like and how she must behave - chances are there is a woman out there who will match your tastes - but don't try change a woman to be something she isn't, in order to please you, or to act on your desires.
It will only last for a while before she starts feeling she losing herself.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/17

Ignore these independent freaked out ladies?? Whatever...

All I can say is Good luck finding this woman you're looking for. She doesn't exist, dude. Any woman worth anything would know that she's your equal, nothing less. Why do YOU get to wear pants and she can't?

Take a chill pill and sort your own irritations out first. If she's not serious about the church you get irritated?? What's that all about? You date girls from church, so obviously they are serious about church. Never really pictured the church as a great singles hang-out. The people there are there for the CHURCH, not to meet men. Maybe you must relax a bit and not take the church so seriously yourself. You're overdoing it a tad, if you ask me.

7 Girls all tell you that you're controlling, and you still wonder who's at fault here? Shame... No-one wants to marry Hitler.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Dude | 2004/11/17

The problem lies in what you perceive to be and the indifference of self-expression... it's easy to understand yourself but to be understood is an acquired taste...

If you express your dislike for certain entities within our world to partners that are directly associated with those entities those partners may perceive it as controlling...

try talkin more


Reply to Dude
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

Hey, i also understood you.... I mean, my husband likes my long hair, so i leave it long... suppose its the same as you like woman to wear dresses...

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Zola | 2004/11/17

Thanx Apple, at least someone understands.

Reply to Zola
Posted by: apple | 2004/11/17

Hi, you know what i think these women are a bit snobish for me, dude you will get your girl who doe'snt like wearing trousers just be patient and you will see that your wonderful wife will stare right at you one day.... SO ignore what these independant freaked out ladies have to say and enjoy life the way you like to live it and remember patience is a virtue...

Good Luck
Let us know how it goes!

Reply to apple
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

Dating without the attention of getting married a sin?? Never heard of it, sex before marriage is a sin yes, but how are you gonna find the right person if you arent allowed to date?? I finished all my Sunday School years, and NEVER did they say you arent allowed to date.....

But nevertheless, i'm sure there is a Miss Perfect for you, someone who honestly doesnt like wearing pants either. Try to be a bit more relaxed. You might feel strong about certain things, but so do woman, try to meet them half way. Relationships are give and take, woman are very different from men, so you are going to have some make some sacrifises and compramises if you wanna hold on the right girl when she comes along.

(sorry, this made me think of that song If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, true but CORNY!!)

Reply to Mona
Posted by: P | 2004/11/17

If what you sre writing is the truth and not a hoax, then I thimk you are to serious and put to much emphasis on marriage and that will also spook someone of. Although it may be normal to want to be happily married one day you can't go into each relationship with that idea, and it's wrong only to date with the intention of getting married. People differ, meet woman, go out with them, learn them better see whether your personalities match or not, and in the process the relationship will either stay a friendship or grow into something more deeper, you can't focus on marriage from the word go.

I think you chase them away by smothering them.

Reply to P
Posted by: CK | 2004/11/17

YOu are not in a relationship so that one change you, people bring different qualities in a marriage and changing one is definately not one of them. You should love a person for who she is and what she stands for.

If you were going out with me, you wouldnt last a day, because I am an independent woman who knows what she want and goes out to get it. And I dont even have one skirt in my closet. So brother, the sooner you and you only change your mentality, you will score with a beautiful chick.

This day in age woman are successfull and intelligent and dont need a man to dictate them.

Reply to CK
Posted by: sweetcakes | 2004/11/17

you answered your own question... NEVER control a woman!!!
i agree with these women... and i'm sure alot of women will tell you that you too controlling! how would you like it if your girlfriend told you what to do, how you did it or what to wear and where to go... it's not nice... either grow up and open your eyes or stop complaining about shit!
sorry to be so abrupt, but that's how i see things!
i know alot of people like you that are dating my friends and when i here that they do what you do, i just want to strangle them...

Reply to sweetcakes
Posted by: Zola | 2004/11/17

But I dont tell them that they should'nt wear them, I just tell them that "I dont like a waoman who wear trousers" etc. I thought when you are in a relationship you should be yourself and still be accepted by that person.

If they dont like those things, why dont they help me change that mentality and improve me when I m wrong, I m a human being as well and its not my fault that I dont like woman with trousers, thats the way I grew up and thats how I feel.

If someone truly loves me, she must accept me for who I am isn't it and respect my wishes? Maybe, I have'nt got someone who truly lovws me

Reply to Zola
Posted by: CK | 2004/11/17

Yes you are too controlling, who are you to tell a woman what and not to wear, even God never said women shouldnt wear trousers. And you wonder why all of them cheat on you.

Stop controlling and see what happens.

And also stop hiding behind the chruch and everything.

Reply to CK
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/17

You are too contolling. How dare you dictate to woman what she can and can not wear. We are a westernised civilized society where woman are equal to men. Do you honestly think that you some how have the right to tell them what to wear.

I dont blame them for leaving you and cheating on you. Maybe they cheated on you as an excuse to leave you. Just because you go to church doesn't make you holier than thou.


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: A | 2004/11/17

If my boyfriend told me how to act, what to wear etc etc I would also leave - ladies also have their own brains you know....................

Reply to A

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