Posted by: Anon | 2008/09/30

Alcohol Problem

Going to give you a brief run down. I used to drink and jol, stopped last year when I felt like i was losing control of my life. After that met and awesome guy, mainly cos i started fixing my life. When we met he was a drinker. I just didnt know to what extent, he is exactly how I was when i was drinking, become one track minded and do not know when to go home. So after about 3 weeks we went away for m bday and it was a flop because he drank. And once a month we have a huge blow out and he goes off drinking, dissapears for a cuple days, crashes cars, loses phones, gets arrested. Hes been on antibuse on and off and at the end of last month we moved in together. he got so sick because he drank and the antibuse wasnt out his system, vowed not to drink again. Anyway since we have been living together, hes had a lot of free time to do whatever he wants because ive been studying.
Last week monday he went to a friend for supper and instead of coming home after went past a bar and his company car got broken into and phone/radio stolen. I flipped out. we are working hard to build a life and cos he doesnt know when enough is enough, im suffering. So he moved out and back in with his mom. I told him he has a problem, but he needs to fix it for him and admit it to himself, because weve tried him doing it for me and it only lasts a month. I told him to make a list of whats hes gained from booze and what hes lost, and at the top of the lost list put his family. Anyway seemed to have sunk in and he contacted AA last week. they told him where a meeting was nearby, and he said they were going to let him know when exactly.
hes been back at home, and we spent the whole weekend together, it was awesome..,.I asked him now about the meeting tonight and he said they havent contacted him. I didnt wanna fly off the handle, because im not his mother but i wonder if he now thinks because the weekend was ok that im going to back down on the AA thing. We went to our first DR app on sat and he saw our babies heart beat, hes ecstatic. Maybe that was enough to convince him to sort his life out. Im not letting him move back in until im happy he is fine for good. How do i drive the point home about the counselling? I miss him and I want him here, this was supposed to be our home not mine, its not supposed to be like this? Do I stick to my guns about the counselling? We are having a baby, our own family, he needs to put us first!

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Our expert says:
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He is a serious problem drinker, perhaps an alcoholic, an until he recognizes this and gets it fixed with proper expert help, and stays fixed, he will never be a suitable companion for anyone. You can't save him from his drinking problems --- he has to want to, and has to do the work himself. You seem to have made a better start in placing the responsibility back on him --- keep to that resolve. And don't rely on his promises, but on the results. Let him continue to work with AA and reconsider your position only once he's been dry and responsible for at least 6 months. Don't soften because you sentimentally want him around ( which is entirely understandable ) --- if he resumes drinking, as you well know, he may be there physically and absent psychologically. Stick to your guns, for your sake and that of the baby

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