Our expert says:
Rather than arguing from the start about the proposed solution ( which is what one most naturally and easily often does ) one can start by discussing the problem - acknowledging that you and her both greatly value your own and each other's independence, how frightening and threatening it is as one begins to become physically frail. Ask what she proposes as better ways of handling the situation and her cardiologists advie ( so you are both trying to dealwith his expert advice, together, rather than pitting her against you ) - that her driving has become dodgy and a risk to herself and others; and her ability to live independently is nor becoming marginal.
Talk about memory loss - how you're just beginning to notice it in yourself, and how insidious it is, and you generally dont remember what or that you didn't remember
Emphasize how admirable she is, how difficult it is for you to still deal with the loss of your spouse ( or was it hers ? And ho, though there is no ideal solution, you want to find a solution that is most suitable, soon, while she can still play an active part in the decision and the process.
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