Posted by: RvM | 2008/05/29

After your advise, where to now?

Hi all.
I posted about 2 days ago, about my ex that is back in the country, and if I must see her, or not. Overwhelmingly you all thought not. Well, I saw her last night, but only to tell her that we must break all contact. Do you have an idea how hard it is for me to say it to the person I love most. She just cried, and aid she will respect that, because it is due to her own actions.
Well, now I need to know: Is there some 10 point plan how to forget about her, or how to move on. I'm just joking about the 10 points, but how do I stick to my decision. I already miss our chats, and actually feel guilty for breaking all contact - even though she tried real hard to be a friend.
Please give me any advice from your experiences.

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Our expert says:
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Remember that such a parting isn't about how much you love her, but about how little she loves you. There's no simple plan for getting over ANY loss, including this one, but a good dose of time and determination does help. I see no reasonable basis for you to feel guilty ; you haven't convinced me that she realy tried hard to be a friend, at least not to you. Meanwhile, keep busy with the rest of your life

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Our users say:
Posted by: Fairychild | 2008/05/30

You should let time heal the wounds for now. And I talk from experince. My first love and I dated for 5 years on and off. We loved each other dearly however we were just at different points in life and we decided to part after things exploded.

never spoke or saw each other in 4 years, even though we always thought about each other. During our realtionship I always said that maybe we were not meant to be lovers but rather just friends.

And in the beggining of 2007 we made contact by accident, we exchanged numbers and chatted telephonically literally the night away about the past and apologised for what was said and done.

And then he told me.... you were right! And a year and a half later we are the best of friends. we have only met twice briefly, the rest of communication is via telephone or email.

he is now happy with a lady who has recently given birth to beautiful baby boy. She knows that we are in contact and does not seem to have a problem with it.

I am very close to his family though especially his mother. And I have to say that after all these years of hurt and wondering what could have been... I or should I say we have found closure.

Live your life in the meantime, life goes on. She is not in JHB so it make things easier. Go out with friends, get career focused, what ever makes you happy. You'll see " time does heal ll wounds"

Good luck RvM

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