Our expert says:
This is a common experience and may be due to several factors:
1. the hormones during breastfeeding (if still applicable), or the act of breastfeeding may dampen sexual interest
2. if the mother is suffering from post-natal depression, this will dampen her sexual interest and she need some medical support
3. tiredness / exhaustion frequently knocks sex down the priority list for many mothers as her priority is likely to be the children - despite fantasies of women being at home and putting their feet up, having small children can be immensely mentally and emotional draining, as well as physically exhausting running/tidying up after them!
4. difficulty adjusting to being a mother and the idea of being sexual as a mother may turn some people off.
5. resentment that her role as mother has changed her completely and she may feel that her husband's life has remained largely the same (e.g. he can still go to gym or out with his friends, but she may feel too guilty to , or feel unable to because of breastfeeding or fear of having someone else look after the baby)
6. She may feel that all she does is meet other people's demands - the children/baby, work, husband - not only could this reduce her libido as she is likely to feel drained, but also make it difficult for her to want to do anything about it because she feels she just gives, gives, gives...
7. if your baby/children share your bedroom or bed, one/both of you may feel inhibited.
You need to identify the current factors impacting on the low sexual interest before you can do anything about it, once identified, it's likely you'll need to support her to make relevant changes that can move you closer to how you once were. This might include sharing some of the load so that she knows it's not all up to her (and that you are hearing her concerns), supporting her to take some time for herself to feel like an individual again, focusing on the couple relationship and not just the baby/children.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
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