Posted by: Tinto | 2005/11/21

After 10 yrs am still missing him

I had a baby boy when I was 18. Unfortunately my baby-boy passed away when he was five months. It happened suddendly.
He got sick in he mid night and passed away. I really don't know what happened we went to doctors that night they even called the kid specialists that night but they couldn't figure uot wahat was wrong. I am now 29 and I am still griefing. When I was in labour I was alone and feeling pains.
Why am I still crying, in pain ... it happened ten years ago and I can't let him go. I kept his pictures in my bags in my office. I am with another man now and I am scared to have baby... He wants us to have a baby and I also want to have a baby with him but I can't I am too afraid to fall pregnant I am scared I miss my baby boy a lots I can't have another baby .. I just can't...

I think the problem is I am blamming myself for the passing away of my baby-boy. I think it was because I heard a baby when I was still young, so I didn't have that experience of looking after my baby... I miss him so much and it hurts, from the bottom of my heart I miss him... And I can't have another baby ... I love my baby-boy ... why am I still missing him so much... he was the best thng ever happen to me... we were friends .. he was my baby.. he kept me company...I was looking after him,, he was my responsibity... and now he is gone ,, gone forever hmmmm it is too much ... Why....... why my baby-boy ... he didn't deserve to die ....

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Our expert says:
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Hello Tinto,
I am so sorry to hear of all this grief that you have been carrying around with you for so long. It is always sad to lose someone we love, and with someone so young, and a death so suddent and unexpected, and unexplained, it can be much harder than usual. You needed and deserved good grief counselling at that time, and you still do. Complicated Grief is unpleasant and can be helped. I am absolutely certain that your baby's death was not your fault ; you loved him and cared for him as well as you could --- these awful things happen, and can happen to all of us. But if you think about it, you will agree, surely, that this lovely child would not want you to remember him with pain and suffering all your life --- and he would, surely, want you to remember him with happiness, remembering the joy he was able to bring you in his short life --- and he would, just as surely, want you to let yourself have another child, and experience that joy again. He didn't deserve to die, but some things go wrong with infants, which are nobody's fault, and which nobody deserves.
Also, check out in the phone book and maybe through your local Lifeline, and look for a nearby branch of a group called The Compassionate Friends, which is a self-help group of people who have lost a child, at any age, who gather and hep each other.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tinto | 2005/11/21

Thank you guys ...
I will try some counselling ... I did some counselling session last year but .... I will find another counsel ... thank for easing my guilty consicious... it has been guilty for so long... and thank you for sharing your own experiences with me... it really helps... I really can't talk about the pain that I am feeling because am scared of people saying it happened long ago. Yes I agree but it still hurts.. I will go for counselling session with the hope of being better someday... with the hope of being able to remember the good time we shared, the happines he brought to me... the smile on his innocent face... Thanks guys, I am feeling little better now.. Peace

Reply to Tinto
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/21

So sad.
And i can feel your pain, as i lost a child as well.
My oldest daughter was part of twins, and is a long story, but the other one passed away.

I never talk about it as its just so painful.
and its also 10 years ago.
I was also young, 18

Is it because we were young and not experienced.
Its just a miracle that my children are still alive & just a blessing. And I pray for their safety every day. Its simply not in our control. Anything can happen any time.....such a frighting thought......
The pain never goes away, but counceling does help to deal with it........

All the best.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/21

what an awful thing to happen.... i am so sorry that you had to go through something like that....... i think losing a child is the worst experience anyone could have.......... you need to get some help in the form of counselling so that you can learn to deal with the pain you still experience.... and learn to overcome the fears you have of having another child........ its not something that a person gets over easily and you deserve to live a happy life....what happened wasn;t your fault.... you did the best you could at that time........ and i am sure if your little boy could speak to you today he would be telling his mom to be happy.......... you deserve that happiness.... so please go get some counselling so that you can move past this pain and hurt........ good luck!!

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