Posted by: Desperate | 2004/02/16

Afraid my best friend will be killed

Plz can someone help me!! My best friend called me last nite crying & screaming for me to call the police because her boyfriend (of 2 years) whom she is living with would not let her stay with me for the night because they were fighting. All I heard was him threatening to kill her & her screaming for help & then the phone went dead. I phoned her back & her boyfriend answered & started shouting at me. He is a drug dealer & he was obviously high on something & he warned me that if I call the police he will get arrested & if that happens-if even one cop shows up he will iether kill her or make it lok like she was the one dealing & then he would send people after me, my boyfriend & my family. My friend was shouting in the background for him to give the phone to her & when she came on the line she begged me now not to call the police. I Heard him calling her names & threatening her in the background & shouting about what he would to do me if she leaves & comes to me for help. I told her I'd call her back & phoned a mutual friend of ours & asked him to go over-pretending to just visit them & then called my friend back. The guy I told to go over there was there in about 5 minutes & managed to get her boyfrined to leave the room & told her to lock herself in the bedroom with the phone. I told her when she goes to work 2moro she must tell her boss what is going on & then come to my house & just leave all her stuff behind. Well, if she gets to my place ok, I don't know what to do from there. Do we go to the police together & get him arrested? Do we just get an intadict? Do we just get some big strong guys to hold him down & help her pack her stuff to move out? He has threatened to kill us both-as well as our families! What if he calls them before he gets arrested & has people come after us? I really need some help Plz!

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Our expert says:
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Dear Desperate,
As a drug dealer, he is already a habitual criminal. He has committed further serious crimes by threatening major violence towards her and you, and deserves to be under arrest. Surely you need to contact the police and get them involved, by making a formal complaint about his threatening to kill her, to cause violence towards her and you, and threatening to give false evidence to the Police by making her appear to be a drug dealer.
Such a man is a louse, and no woman EVER needs such a person in their lives. The police ought to be able to help you both to obtain an urgent COurt interdict to forbid him from approaching, contacting, or in any way harrassing either of you, on pain of going to jail if he disobeys the order. The police ought to be able to accompany her to fetch her things, and to protect her while she does so.
The fact that he may have been high on something at the time is irrelevant and no excuse.
Yes, there are risks involved in her leaving him, but the risks of staying with him sound likely to be very much higher.
I appreciate that he is threatening violence towards all of you --- that's why the police involvement is needed, as no-one else can provide some degree of safety to you both. A group like POWA may know of a shelter for abused women where she might stay for the time being ; or she could go back to stay with her parents or other family members.
We recognize tha the SA police are often laughably and pathetically inadequate, but they do have rights and powers the rest of us don't, and can arrest him and anyone else who might come on his behalf. If the two of you have somewhere else you could go for a few days at least, with the knowledge of the police, so the other steps can proceed meanwhile, while it may become clearer how much of his threatening behaviour is bluff and how much is real. If you have tough pals who can also provide some support for you, like staying at your place temporarily, that might also help. Sending them after him only risks their moving into a situation in which they are also legally dodgy, compared with their greater rights to act in self-defense at your place.
Do keep in touch with us on the Forum and let us know how things work out.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Angie | 2004/02/16

So why dont you go stay somewhere , where he wont find the two of you like a hotel an hour away or at somehow he doesnt knows house.
Do what you have to this man is a sicko.Get away then phone the cops.
I know people like that and trust me its more intimidation than it is truth.

Good Luck and i hope aall goes well.

Reply to Angie
Posted by: 007 | 2004/02/16

If you really believe that this guy will kill your friend then the obvious thing to do would be to get someone who is capable of protecting her to do just that. If you don't want to use the police, then get someone else who is capable - even if it means to shoot the swine in self-defence.

Reply to 007
Posted by: eve | 2004/02/16

this is quite of a sticky situation try going away for a while with your friend plan a "vacation" and lay low for a while.... if you send him to prison he will probably be out in a few months and with revenge to definitely kill you and your friend for putting him in jail....on the other hand maybe he is all bark and no bite, try getting a restraining order against him not to come anywhere near you or your friend. your last resort would be to get a bunch of really big guys to beat him up and tell him to back off.... good luck and may God lead you in the right direction of what to do

Reply to eve
Posted by: Paul | 2004/02/16

Get your Friend out. Tell the SOB that you have left letters and video tapes with various friends and family implicating him and his habits. If anything happens to you guys, as much as a hair falling out your head, his story will come out. If he leaves you alone, then all his well, he can trust you after all youre not the dealer here.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Desperate | 2004/02/16

You guys don't get it!! He threatened to kill ALL of us! I know she needs to get out & I've told her to come & stay at my place but he will come after us-so what do we do? Do we need to get him arrested first & then risk having him send his friends after us? I can't get her mom involved- they don't have a very good relationship & my friend got a job & left home when she turned 18. Her mom has also just come out of hospital after being in a car accident. I know she needs to get out & she knows she needs to get out-we are just worried about what to do when she gets to my place 2nite-what do we do if he comes after her? After my family? I've been through this before & I've had to call the police for help & they took 4 hours to show up because they only had one police van! We won't have 4 hours if he comes to my house with a gun.

Reply to Desperate
Posted by: Soul | 2004/02/16


Your friend is in alot of danger and if she doesn't get out he in time will kill her.
Get her out and get her out now. She doesn't have any time to waste.
Just remember she may make excuses for him as well and say that all is well and that it was just a misunderstanding.

Have you thought of getting her parents involved in this and his for that matter. I certainly would get a restraining order against him.

I know how your friend feels, she is in alot of danger and she needs to realise it and get out to save her own life.

Take Care

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Paul | 2004/02/16

Cheesh! What a :-- head!!

This girl must get out and she must get out now, once shes out tell the bastard that the first time he phones you or you see him on the street you will have Narc on his ass so quick hell think hes high again.

Reply to Paul

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