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Posted by: Anon | 2007/08/16

AFFAIRS DOES NOT SOLVE PROBLEMS!!!

Let me start off by saying that I am not looking for sympathy because I am probably getting what I deserve. At the end of last year I started having an affair with a colleague. I was unhappy in my marriage and this just seemed so attractive, which now looking back, was a mistake. Things went on but I just could not carry on with it, the guilt was just eating at me too much, so I decided to end it. He did not want to accept it and after what now has become something ugly, makes my life hell at work. I had feelings for him but also felt very confused at times not sure if the feelings were real or not. He now treats me like utter crap and is acting like a small child. I hate him with everything in me and I regret ever getting myself in this situation. I also now see a side of him which I definitely do not like My marriage still needs a lot of work and I am taking it one day at a time, but my advise to anyone is do not ever think that an affair solves problems, because it does not. While you are having the affair you will actually start pushing your partner and treating them in a way you would never have done, instead of working on your problems. Rather leave your spouse if you are unhappy and then find someone else, but the two together does not work. You might be doing things for the wrong reasons.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

WEell, you're right to a large extent. Affairs are not ways to become happy, and never a solution to an unhappy mariage ( why on earth not try marriage counselling first ? ) ; and affairs with colleagues are often even more fraught. And you have learned what a selfish worm this other guy is, and how much better off you are without him. You seem to have learned some important lessons, and working on the mariage now is the right way to go.
Thanks for reminding others, who may feel similarly tempted, of the pretty well inevitable consequences

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon 2 | 2007/08/16

It's no use pointing fingers and placing blame. Both of you are guilty especially of the trait selfish. This just goes to show that affairs are all about lust and nothing to do with love.

Stick to your partners and keep your lust for your marital bed and not the office.

Reply to Anon 2
Posted by: Anon | 2007/08/16

What is your problem woman? You sound like you had it all and you still want sympathy? Well you getting none. I looked at the April posting and I think that you should just stay with your husband. I think that you need to be treated the way he does, and not the way FOX does!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Nicky | 2007/08/16

I agree with Jack, please grow up woman. You are so confused. Stop playing with another person's emotions. You seem like you are still in love with him, if you can use the word "hate". I think his right, you need a lot of good luck!!

Reply to Nicky
Posted by: JACK | 2007/08/16

After reading his response, I think that she needs to grow up.

Reply to JACK
Posted by: FOX | 2007/08/16

I am the colleague that is being referred to in this posting and would like to respond, not because I have anything to say to ANON, but because I need to set the record staright for the readers. It is very apparent from reading the above posting that the full facts have not been placed before the readers. So here goes..........

This relationship started last year and ended officially on Tuesday. I am completely and utterly astonished at the fact that only the guilt has been blamed for the break-up. I was told that there were in excess of 50 000 reasons why she did not want to be with me. She told me that she no longer loves me and no longer wants to be with me. Now this is very surprising becase three days before she wanted to end it, we made wild passionate love and she told me just how much she loved me and did not want to lose me. The next day, she had a huge fight with her husband and thereafter wanted to end our relationship. She told me that I did absolutely nothing wrong and that she just stopped loving me.

Now let me tell you just how much I loved her. I know she is married and let me tell you that I am also married, unhappily if I may add. I know that having an affair is unethical and completely opposed to accepatable societal norms. But we fell deeply in love nonetheless. We both referred to it as REAL LOVE, not on one occasion, but literally hundreds of times. We talked about how we were going to live in the future and what our plans were. We even went as far as talking about having children.

I gave everything that I could possible give to her. I loved her with all my heart and soul despite the circumstances. So if loving and caring for someone is being a selfish worm, then I must be very very selfish. This is all that I did. I tried to understand her situation and constantly asked her if she was doing okay. Guess how many times she asked me if I was fine, yes, NOT ONCE. Despite this, I always tried to be the bigger person.

She knows full well what she meant to me. She now says that I am carrying on like a small child. Well if that is the case, then she is carrying on like a newly born baby. She lied to our close friends who knew about this and tried to hurt everyone with the lies and deceit. I am frankly tired all of this. Why cant she just be honest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She talks about treating her husband badly. For the benefit of all readers, let me tell you that she posted a posting on 5 April this year titled WHAT TO DO posted by Ezel which quite clearly shows what she felt about her husband and the way he treated her. I have done nothing wrong and therefore find all of this to be a joke. She uses the word HATE but only three days ago used LOVE. Who is confused and who needs to grow up. GOOD LUCK TO THE LOSER!!!!

Reply to FOX
Posted by: Anon 2 | 2007/08/16

I agree. The positive in all of this is that you learned a valuable lesson. You may need to look for other employment. Have you told your husband?

Reply to Anon 2

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