Posted by: Silly Girl | 2008/11/11

Affair - Do I abort or not?

I have been having an affair for the last 8 months. Now I may be pregnant, but I am not sure whose baby it is (husband or lover).

I cannot leave my husband as he would be devasted. My lover does not want me to have an abortion, he says he will take the baby if it is his.

I cannot do this to my husband and my family, believe it or not I do have a conscience!

I know I have to make a desicion whether to keep the baby or not and whether to tell my husband or not but would appreciate some outside advice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You have been so careless and thoughtless.Have neither of you heard of contraception ? We cannot tell you whether or not to have an abortion. That must be and will, be, your own decision. I don't l;ke at all the sound of your lover "taking the baby" ( and one who might well be your husband's child ) --- that's not how one treats a baby --- what would he do with the child ? And would the poor thing grow up without a mother ? Surely a baby's life should not take precedence over your pride --- talk this over with your husband, and decide together. And yes, do have a DNA test done at the right time, so you can all know who the father is.
See a personal counsellor, urgently, to examine all the options and the effects of your various possible decisions

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anon also | 2008/11/14

Lover, how do you know YOUR partner isn' t. Maybe you are also screwing everything that moves behind YOUR partner' s back.

Reply to Anon also
Posted by: lover | 2008/11/13

how do you know if your patner is not doing the same or worst. Anon also

Reply to lover
Posted by: Anon also | 2008/11/12

Ag Kc, just F off!! The woman is a slut and that' s that. How would you feel if your partner did this to you.

Reply to Anon also
Posted by: koos | 2008/11/12

i hope youe husband finds out and kick you in the nuts so hard that you will never be able to have sex again...slut!

Reply to koos
Posted by: kc | 2008/11/12

listen to all those people condemning and judgin this woman, like your lives are perfect, im sure some of you here have done worse things and kept them secret. yes it is bad what this lady has done. but for God sake you have not even asked her the reason for the affair?why she felt the need not to divorce husband..and begin a fresh?as silly as it may sound how we are so quick to throw stones yet we are ibn glass houses...mistakes happen..., you think everyone is strong im sure if most of you were in some positions they would be worse.
my advice..first confirm the pregnancy...
weigh out your options,tell husband he kicks you out deal with the consequences maybe you can
-keep it with the consequences maybe you can...
-abort the baby which is horrible but deal with the consequences..
im sure so many peopl in this life have many many secret in the closet...the options are messed...choose what you choose and deal with it...learn from this and never do that again but rember the consequences will be there..its yours to be strong and deal with them whichever way.

Reply to kc
Posted by: me | 2008/11/12

don' t call youself " silly girl"  call yourself " Evil, selfish, stupid whore"  Please and thank you...

Reply to me
Posted by: OMG | 2008/11/12

I agree fully with Klippies! You call yourself " silly girl" ....silly??? do you think what you did was silly?? as if its just a silly old mistake, laugh about it over tea.

You are playing with a whole lot of lives here, your poor husband who' s probably none the wiser, your child-to-be, and yours and your lovers (the last two don' t care about much, you two get exactly what you deserve!)

I hope you soon realise what wrong you' ve done!

Reply to OMG
Posted by: Klippies | 2008/11/12

You do not desrve a husband!!!! you are a whore and thats that!!!!

Reply to Klippies
Posted by: Maria | 2008/11/12

If you have an abortion without telling your husband, will you carry on with the affair?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Wow wee | 2008/11/12

Silly girl, you are indeed silly. The comments on the forum have been harsh, but I feel a lot of them are true. There are a few things you could do in this situation, and depending on what kind of person you are, you' ll choose one of them.

Option 1: Leave your husband and have the baby with your lover.
Option 2: Tell your husband about the affair and that you might be carrying your lovers child, and see what he wants to do.
Option 3: Break up with your lover (COMPLETELY), have an abortion and love your husband the way you did when you first got married. Keep this STUPID and IRRESPONSIBLE " mistake"  to yourself and start afresh.

From what it seems, however, I think you love your lover more than your husband... You cant have the best of both worlds you know... you tried and look where it landed you. It' s your decision - either you remain racked with guilt your entire life, or you do the right thing and clean up your life. Because of your carelessness and selfishness you' ve not only ruined your life, you' ve potentially ruined another 3 lives. That' s not cool at all...

Reply to Wow wee
Posted by: slr | 2008/11/12

give the child up for adoption, and tell your partners the truth about all you have done. let them choose what they would like to do next, relationshipwise.

there are many childless couples who would love to adopt and are better able to provide an upbringing with sound and respectable morals.

Your deceit, selfishness and carelessness does not make you a fit parent, unfortunately.

Reply to slr
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/12

I mean, really, I have NO sympathy for you.
And if you were down, I would actually kick you!
I feel nothing for you. You are irresponsible and horrible.
You thought you were having plenty fun with your " Lover"  - and then life and reality comes to bite you in the butt.
If you give me your husband' s number, I' d phone him and tell him myself to get rid of you, and fix him up with someone who will actually treat him like a HUSBAND.
Why didn' t you just divorce him if you wanted to do your lover instead?? If you don' t WANT your husband, rather divorce him and do the right thing...

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon also. | 2008/11/12

Silly girl, you deserve all the ' cruelty'  you can get on this forum. You cannot ' do this to your husband and family' . You already have, by screwing someone else after you have made a promise to your husband and God to not allow a 3rd party into your unity.

I feel truly sorry for your husband. His wife is lying to him and he thinks everything is ok. Lies, deceit... R u proud of yourself!!!!!

Reply to Anon also.
Posted by: My opinion | 2008/11/12

You say you might be pregnant, so do a pregnancy test before planning everyones ones lives for them.

We assume your husband doesn' t know yet? Why would you discuss this with your lover, if you might be pregnant? You sound like like you have already made up your mind, leave your husband and stay with the lover then!

Everything might sound harsh, but fact is somebody is going to have to take the puch, and sorry, but your are going to take the hardest one.

It is not right, but every one has their own reasons for doing things, only you would know. Start with finding out if you really are pregnant and take it from there. Do you have other children?

Reply to My opinion
Posted by: Darkie bra | 2008/11/11

it will not devastate him it will devastate you to be exposed for what you are .
As for the concubine atleast he has a conscience and guts to take responsiblity for his actions. you play with fire you get burned . let your hubby decide what to do u have screwed his life enough as it is.
I dont believe in aborting so I reserve my comments on that part.

Reply to Darkie bra
Posted by: Silly Girl | 2008/11/11

" Anon"  - how cruel can people be? When someone is down kick them again!!!

" Really"  and " Tricky"  - I know what I have done is wrong, no my husband does not know I am pregnant yet and there are no other children involved. Thank you for the advice, I know a decision has to be made and both of you have given different perspectives, which I appreciate.

" Cybershrink"  - my lover would prefer to take on the baby no matter what, he loves me and would do anything to have a baby with me.

Reply to Silly Girl
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/11

My feeling on the situation is that YOU should have been aborted when your mother was pregnant.
You are a horrible piece of sh*t excuse for a human.
Never mind the AFFAIR ?!?! You are now pregnant - didn' t even BOTHER to take precaution - never mind all that, you act as if you now feel sorry for yourself.
I hope both men leave you and your fanny grows shut.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: tricky | 2008/11/11

this is a very tricky could tell your husband but obviosly that would devastate him and he probably would never trust you again. you have a lover who probbly doesnt have a family and doesnt understand waht it would do to yours if you keep the baby esp. if its his. if i were you i wold not have tol the lover that it could be his, i would have just said its my husband' s.does you hubby know your preggies?at the end of the day it your call, im not a fan of abortion but if it means saving your family then go for it.otherwise things always have a way of working the honest typ if im in the relationship so the first thing i would have done would be to tell my husband the whole thing and take the punishent but at the end of the day if u have other kids, whtever happens btwn you and your husban will affect them and will you be able to live with the fact that you are the one that broke up the family and possibly messed up you kids?think about his very carefull, you have a couple of otions but u need to choose one that would benefit everyone else, esp. your existing kids.

Reply to tricky
Posted by: Really? | 2008/11/11

Oh and get a DNA test done to find out who the father is. But whatever the result, your husband deserves to know the truth.

Reply to Really?
Posted by: Really? | 2008/11/11

My view on this is that you want to abort because you are too ashamed of what you have done and cannot face your husband and his family. You would rather get rid of the problem than deal with it - at the cost of a baby' s life.


My advice is to keep the baby. You' re an adult, and so is everyone else involved here. If your husband leaves you, that' s a consequence you have to live with for your actions.

This is a situation where you cannot come out unscathed.

Just don' t make the baby pay for your betrayal to your husband. The baby has a parent that is willing to look after it - surely the baby deserves that much.

Reply to Really?

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