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Question
Posted by: tracy | 2007/12/03

affair

i've been married for the past 8 and a half years,,,,,i started having an affair with my ex after 2 years of my marriage... my ex is also married.... the problem is we dont love our spouses .... we have always loved each other.... i have 2 kids and he has one.....
we cant see life without each other... we are only in the marriage now because of our kids.... what do we do......??
we tried staying away from each other many times but cant do it....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SO many questions begged here --- if you loved each o0ther so much, why were you divorced ? Why did you ever marry other people who you didn't love ? Clearly, you made some really bad decisions --- and now you are having an affair such as to badly hurt two innocentg people. As for staying apart, you COULD do it --- that's never ever impossible, but neither of you have chosen to do so. And in exactly what way do you think that maintaining all these deceptions benefits your kids ? <br>

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Our users say:
Posted by: Been There Done That | 2007/12/03

Hi

You are not going to get the answer you want here. You are looking for approval of what you are doing now. Not going to happen.

Follow your head and listen to these people. When the excitement of the secret sex is gone...................

Reply to Been There Done That
Posted by: Zeet | 2007/12/03

please Tracy, don't worry about other people being caught out or not. Make your marraige work for your sake and the children. Put the affairs, cheating, lust etc behind you. Grow up amd be happy with what you have, a nice family. Only once you have made peace with this fact you will get this other "ex" out of your system. Better the devil you know than......

Reply to Zeet
Posted by: Pincode | 2007/12/03

Tracy, Let me tell you my story, i am married, and i had an affair , that was last year June/July, in August i discovered that i was pregnant, lucky enough i knew my story as i didnt sleep with my boyfriend, he was married too. I nid to tell you something, i have got a handsome husband ohhh he is just too cute. My boyfriend is not handsome at all, just a neat guy and darker in complexion, We caarry on while is was pregnant, there's one thing i likedd about that guy, he asked me to kiss him after a very long period, let alone to have sex. He used to send me SMSes, calls and gives me money, buy me informative books , take me out for lunch. After giving birth we talked twice if not thrice, i asked myself if he still loves me or not, i called him after a long time, he said he is giving me a chance to raise my child up, YOU KNOW WHAT i told myself that i wont call him anymore, because i believe taht if a guy loves a lady there is no way you can stay for 8hrs not talking to the lady. I told myself that maybe it si a blessing in disguise,and while i was still seeing this guy, i had a terrible life in my marriage,but since i give my husband full attention, i can see that i am LOVED. Yes of course i still think about that guy as i person i used to know, i put everything behind, the future is my family, my husband adn kids , but i told myself that i wont call him, its been 2-3months not talking to each other, MEN can use you, you think you love that EX because you cheating- stay with him on a permanetn basis then you will realise that there was no love, just a FLING. STOP CHEATING, IF HE CHEAT WITH YOU< HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU

Reply to Pincode
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2007/12/03

Why did you 'have to' leave eachother? You are having the affair now right? If you loved each other so - why did you not wait?

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: RP | 2007/12/03

I was never "caught". I owned up after 2 months. A week before I owned up I read my wife the riot act about what what I was lacking in our relationship, and there was a lot, but by then I sort of intended leaving my wife anyway as I had this new greta affair going. After a week of plain bad vibe at home, and many heavy discussions, I came clean. She was shocked to the core, never suspected a thing. We managed to fix things between us, mostly. Its still hard work, and I am not sure if I love her the way I need to love a partner, but I have too much invested iro her (15 years of marriage) , home, kids etc to throw it away for an affair.
If I am unhappy in my marriage again, I will leave my wife BEFORE starting something else because I cant live the life of duplicity, chetaing, sneaking around, and 2 supposed emotional relationships.

Reply to RP
Posted by: tracy | 2007/12/03

my ex and i didn not end our relationship because we wanted to in the first place... we did it because we had to
i do not love my husband but have been making sacrifices
did ur wife find out about ur affair RP?

Reply to tracy
Posted by: RP (a guy) | 2007/12/03

Tracy, how on earth do you have an affair for 6 years, leading a double-life, trying to be a partner to two people?? I am not judging, just curious. I had an affair for 2 months and it was stressful and actually a living hell in some ways.
I mean, how is your sex/intimate life at home, and how do you sustain that?? My advice, ignoring your affair for a minute, you have to work out if you love your husband enough to stay in the marriage or to work on it. If not, move on...

Reply to RP (a guy)
Posted by: Zeet | 2007/12/03

You have made your beds. Stay away from each other and get on with it with your current spouses. You tried and it did not work, you are each other's "exes". If it did not work once it wont work the second time. The kids you both had are more important than you love/lust for each other. Stop cheating on the father of your children immediately.

Reply to Zeet

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