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Question
Posted by: annalize | 2003/12/08

AFFAIR

Gedurende my kinderjare (10-20jr) het my pa baie affairs gehad. Dit het veroorsaak dat daar baie baklei in ons huis was en geen vakansies was nie. As volwassene (40jr oud) sukkel ek om my man te vertrou. Ons is al 15 jr getroud en hy het nog nooit vir my rede gegee om hom te wantrou nie. Hy is 'n wonderlike man. Die probleem duik op as ek bv die telefoon antwoord en 'n vrou vra vir hom of hy na 'n ander mooi vrou kyk. Ek kyk ook na die oproepe wat hy ontvang op sy selfoon.
Vir myself stoot ek mans af, al is hul net vriendelik. Die affairs wat ek as kind deurgemaak het, het 'n uitwerking vandag op my. Ek dink nie mense besef wat hulle aan kinders doen nie, maar het myself voorgeneem dat ek dit nie aan my kinders sal doen nie. My vraag is, wat kan ek doen om nie so onseker te wees nie? Hoe oorleef 'n mens as dit wel gebeur? Hoe kan ek ophou om so wantrouig te wees? By werk hoor en sien 'n mens heeldag van mense wat affairs het.

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Our expert says:
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Dear annalize,
Isn't it a shame that habits of mistrust based on your experience with your father ( who deserved mistrust ) are bring applied automatically to your husband, who has never given you any reason not to trust him ? Personal counselling, maybe arranged through FAMSA, could help you a lot, o examine these automatic assumptions that seem to be ruling your life, and to revise them to become more reasonable and fruitful. Yes, far too many people these days seem to get involved in affairs ; but still I'd guess that the majority of folks DON'T do so.

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