Posted by: tsheps | 2008/05/30

advise please

hi,my boyfriend's best friend passed away this morning ,he had an accident,fell off the 5th floor in his flat ,my boyfriend was also there so he saw everything ,he sounds so traumatised,he is going to my place now to stay there for a while,what should i say to him when i get,how do i make him feel better,this guy was also my frined im also hurt but not as much as he,how do i make him feel that i am there for him? cause i dont want him to think im not supportive ,pls advice ,we have never been in this situation....

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Our expert says:
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What a terrible situation to be in ! Being there and available to him will be helpful. THough you may wish there was something specific you could say to comfort him, there are no magical phrases to use. Make it clear that you also feel shocked and sad, and that you want to and will be vailable to listen if and when he wants to talk, whether about what happened or about how he feels. Let him know he is free to talk OR NOT to talk, as he wishes. SOme people push too hard to make the sad person talk, or at the opposite extreme, try to ignore it and change the subject if they try to talk about it. Give him time to work through this ; if after a week or two he is still greatly affected, seeing a local counsellor might then be helpful.
Oh, another mistake some people make is to get a GP to prescribe sedative and tranquillizers. Except in unusual situations, this is much less helpful than people expect, and rather tends to "freeze" the grief and stop the person from working through it as they will have to do ; and may even make complications more likely
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Our users say:
Posted by: tsheps | 2008/05/30

he accidentally fell from 5th floor in his balcony while trying to gain entry into his flat,he was used to doing this when he has lost his key ,but this time....

Reply to tsheps
Posted by: Fairychild | 2008/05/30

may ask what accident?

Just be in his company, don't always ask if he is okay? might get irriatated. Also you could just let him know that if he wants to talk... your there...

Reply to Fairychild

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