Posted by: Sam | 2007/04/11

Advise please

My husband of 12 years has moved out of our house AGAIN for the 8th time in 3 years, in the past he has always gone off 'to find himself'-thinks he got married too young and wants to still experience the bachelor life. He has also had an affair in the past and I would not be suprised if he isn't having one now. My question is, I really do want to move on and get on with my life without him and all the heartache of him leaving and messing me around. Once again, I have taken this really badly and am battling to cope, i can't sleep, eat etc. I have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow coz everyone says councelling does help, I want to know how it is going to help? I miss him so badly and at times feel like I would rather just end it so I don't have to feel this heartache but we have 2 kids, so I would never do that. I know I sound like the battered wife that keeps going back for more, but how do I get him out my system and stop loving him

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he has been dithering like this for 12 years, and after 8 searches still hasn't "found himself" maybe he needs a map ? In other words, he is never going to "find himself" by this daft way of searching, but could sort this out probably fairly rapidly, with a good CBT counsellor / therapist.
As to how counselling can help, discuss this with your own psychologist, after outlining the current problem as you see it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2007/04/11

You have to make a concious decision that you will not allow him or YOURSELF to hurt you so much. Remember, staying in this you are allowing yourself to be tortured. Make a mental decsion that you want out. Then the most important, cut the contact and move on. I found that once you made the mental decision, and you keep the contact only to the kids the pain goes away the fastest. Good luck.

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