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Question
Posted by: CLF | 2004/10/26

advise please

Well i have been in a relationship for 5 years and in those 5 years i have been as faithful as they come.... and i have been unhappy and on hte 7 july this year i told my man i wanted space, and that i just didnt think we were working out , coz its always been about him, and i have never felt special , and never felt like i was his number one!!

Anyway some time has gone by , and about 7 weeks ago i met this guy on msn!!! he is AMAZING!! we both know what we want in life, and where we going, and we understand eachother, and he is basically everying that D isnt , now, the problem is he has a gf, who i believe he loves , but from what i can understand she has him by the "BALL BAG" he is whiped , now he is 26 she is 21 i am 22.

No i cant explain , how he begins to make me feel, i have never never felt like ths before in my life, my heart beats so fast my cheeks burn , i am permantley smilng, and he lives like 6km from me , i have seen his pic and he as seen mine, yesterday for hte first time in 7 weeks, we saw eachother on the road i pulled up right behind him!! and i couldnt even look at him i was so shy !!! (now thats not me)

Anyway , the problem is , he says he Cant leave his girlfriend!! he dont want to hurt her , even tho she treats him like rubbish in front of a whole club , he just cant leave , and i quote these are his words to me "you are the sweetest kindest most wonderful person i know" and he also saidbebe amor says:
the fact that i get nervous everytime that we chat
bebe amor says:
the way that you make me blush
bebe amor says:
the way that you make me smile
bebe amor says:
i like the fact that you are open with me
bebe amor says:
that you know where you are going in life
bebe amor says:
that you know what you want
bebe amor says:
that you dont mind getting you hands dirty
there is so much more, but then he gets all up set and says to me will i wait for him and how long and that he really wants to be with me he wants to be with me and he just cant be with me !!

I just told him i am in no rush ....... now i am starting to really like this guy, and i know i can offer him so much more, and i know i can love him and give him the affection he deserves, and let him be a man !! , wat do i do? and will we ever be together!!

And how do i tell my ex there is no hope to for us getting to gether just yet ,?

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,,,,,Excellent answers from other readers. I agree with them

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Our users say:
Posted by: lulu | 2004/10/26

He's playing you.

Can't leave her because he doesn't want to hurt her, yet he has online "affairs"?? You make him feel all those things because it's always exciting to have an affair. Doesn't make it right though...

He sounds like a sick puppy who wants his cake and eat it too. You're still young. Don't get caught up in the "my g/f doesn't understand me/make me feel like you make me feel" crappy line.

Good luck!

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/26

Hi CLF,

On-line you can be anything you want, & even to the other person, seem like your dream come true, but even though you might know some of the persons most intimate thoughts, you really don't know the person at all. On-line the person has time to change his words until they think it sounds right. On-line you can be the icon of perfection.
But then you get to spend time with the person & find out they are totally different to what you know on line.
What I'm suggesting is that I don't think you should try to get so committed on-line. If you really feel that strongly, spend some time together, see what you really feel about each other, then you know whether you are really right in feeling the way you do.

Just be careful, take time to know the person, on-line & personally...

Good luck,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Liewe Heksie | 2004/10/26

My oom het een keer vir my gesê as 'n man daai ding wil doen sal hy tot belowe om jou volgende naweek te trou as dit is wat dit sal vat om jou te kry waar hy jou wil hê.

Reply to Liewe Heksie
Posted by: Like I said before.... | 2004/10/26

men will say WHATEVER it takes to get laid... do yourself a favour and tell him to get back to you only when he is single...

Reply to Like I said before....
Posted by: TW | 2004/10/26

Gosh that is risky - as said above - people can say such rubbish over the net. You dont know him at all. Sounds like he's just having fun with you and nothing else. The fact he has a girlfrined too. For all you know maybe he's rocky marriage with kids, why interfere with that. Not cool honey - be careful people arent always what they may seem.

IF you arent sure about the ex then leave, far better to be alone than mixed up in things that arent going anywhere.

The right guy is out there but be patient.

Reply to TW
Posted by: Rene | 2004/10/26

I had a guy in the USA, who was everything I ever wanted.We got to know each other really well, and I grew to love him, so I thought. The difficult thing with thinking you're in love with someone who is far away, and you haven't actually met in person, is that you only know them on an intellectual level. My girl, don't get your hopes up, often online relationships aren't everything they're cracked up to be, believe me! Be realistic about the whole thing, just a word of caution. Also, if he can't leave his gf because hes afraid of hurting her, and says all these things to you, who is he being fair on? He's not being fair on you by telling you these things, and he's not being fair to her while he's saying these things to you! He must sort himself out, it's all or nothing!!!

Reply to Rene
Posted by: Jackie | 2004/10/26

You are falling for someone you know nothing about. Who are you to say that his gf has him 'by the "BALL BAG" he is whiped'...how do you know this? If you got this information from him, then he is lying my dear. You have got to be so careful, this guy could turn out to be not what you expected. You say you can give him so much more etc etc etc, how do you know that his gf is not giving him all that. You are foolish to think that this fantasy of yours will work out perfectly. He has a gf, leave him alone, and if he a guy of integrity then he would not pursue this with you either.

Reply to Jackie
Posted by: P | 2004/10/26

This is all very exiting, it's something new and adventurous. You don't know NOTHING about him, it is easy to pretend and say all the right things on paper, id does not mean that he is that kind of person at all. There are a lot of people who knows what is right and what is wrong, and what to say to impress someone, but to be that person is something totally different.

I can sit and write the most wonderful stuff and half of it could be a pack of lies and not reflect the person that I am.

I can't believe you are so naieve.

Reply to P

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