Posted by: renni | 2004/12/03

advise me quickly!!!!!!!!1

today it's friday, i'm going home i mean my hubby's home, truely i don't enjoy being there but it's must i'll be there, i love his parents but does not like the fact that when i 'm there i have to work over and serve his parents, do the cleaning, etc, i really don't like that idea, although it's only two people staying, in fact i'm lazy to do other people's job, please adviise me on how to handle this situation, i'm makoti of the family and one and only makoti, i don't want them to see my laziness, and another thing that bores me is that it's a rural area and i'm from the location, i don't like that place a bit, how do i deal witha please help!!!!!!!11

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Our expert says:
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I know, renni, that though this may be culturally acceptable or expected, mainly among the older generations in some groups, it's not welcomed by younger folks who have already worked a hard week and need a rest at the weekends. I think we need to be prepared to edit and revise out cultural traditions, and to recognize that traditions that worked well when the large extended family lived close together, when, perhaps, young women did not go out to work at jobs, whatever, may not be entirely appropriate to 21st century Africa. Looking round the world, it seems to have been the cultures which on the one hand remained true to their ancient ideals, but on the other hand adapted to changes in society and the world, and didn't hang onto all customs that became obsolete or unfair to some in the community.
And similarly, as you say, those of us who are urban in our tasks and pastimes, find the rural areas too slow and quiet for us. But maybe a weekend visit shouldn't be too bad, if it's only the occasional weekend ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: paartofthepackage | 2004/12/04

Renni, I feel you sister. AM a divorcee at the age of 26, my marriage was doomed from the word go, I certainly don't regret the decision I made. Point am driving at is that, amongst other things that I don't miss about the institution is the part about going 'home' and doing all the chores. According to them you are to feel comfortable because that is also supposedly your home and you're now one of them and yet they treat you so differently, and their expectations are beyond comprehension. THings like you cannot take a nap during the day, you have to be the first one to get up in the morning before anyone else does...and you tell me that you're supposedly at home. What about the long strainous week you had at work, suppose the fact that you also need to chillex over weekend and not think about breakfast (do the dishes), lunch (do the dishes) and dinner(...and still the dishes), does not really count. However sisi, it's part of the package unfortunately and certainly one of the things you should have thought long and hard about coz its not about to change, at least not anytime soon, more so now for you as you are the one and only makoti, the pressure is on girl. So hang in there girl, rather find a way to live with it. At least this is not your daily life....

Reply to paartofthepackage
Posted by: Ntsikie | 2004/12/03


Im sure you knew before you got married that there will be times that you have to do these chores for your inlaws.It is part of the Xhosa custom that umakoti is supposed to cook and clean for her inlaws. I dont think you,d want them to think or talk badly of you. So sisi, my best advice to you is to do what is expected of you by them.

Have a pleasant weekend.

Reply to Ntsikie
Posted by: Loli | 2004/12/03

How long will you be there? If it’s only for the weekend surely you can manage for the next day or so.

Hang in the weekend is almost over

Reply to Loli

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