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Question
Posted by: First Time | 2003/12/04

Advise

Hi There

My girfriend and i desided to have sex it is both our first time?
I heard it is painfull for her,
How can i make it special for her and not painfull,

i also heard that it bleeds, where can whe do it and how much does it bleed(don't want to make mess on bed)
Whe are 17

thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

From your question, it is not clear if you and your girlfreind are already sexually active together with outercourse, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and/or anal sex, and that you are specifically asking about vaginal intercourse.

The experience of sexual intercourse for the first time can be romantic, exciting, sensual, fun, passionate, awkward, embarrassing, uncomfortable, disappointing, or any combination. To minimize the discomfort or pain and maximize the pleasure of first intercourse, both of you need to take the time to explore one another's bodies and fully arouse each other before penetration. You'll be on an upward learning curve as you find out what feels good or not to each of you.

Many women (and their partners) worry about discomfort or pain the first time they have vaginal intercourse, and not all of them have this experience. People have varying levels of tolerance for pain or discomfort. If a woman does have discomfort, she and her partner need to be sure that she is aroused, that she has lubrication, both her own or some extra. If after these ideas, she still feel either discomfort or pain, she can let you know, and you can stop doing what is causing her discomfort until you can more comfortably start again.

Another reason for physical discomfort is that you two are just beginning to learn how each of your bodies fit with one another's. The following tips might be fun to experiment with as you both prepare for your first intercourse:

Create a pleasure chest that includes water-based lube, condoms if you aren't using birth control and don't want to get pregnant at this time, the book The Joy of Sex for ideas about a variety of sexual positions, and other products for sex play, such as massage lotion or oil, lingerie, an erotic movie or book, and/or a vibrator.
Focus on touching, kissing, caressing each other in ways that increase arousal before penetration.
Take it slowly.
Talk with each other about what feels good and how you both like to be touched.
Add a dab of water-based lube on the vulva, the opening of the vagina, inside the condom (if he is wearing one) before it is unrolled, and outside on the penis or the condom before penetration. Reapply as often as necessary to ease any discomfort and increase pleasure.
Experiment with various positions.
If an erection goes away, remember it will most certainly come back.
It's not uncommon for the end of the experience to be less extraordinary than expected. Sometimes one or both partners do not orgasm. Other times, a man's erection might not last long or it might come and go, and a woman may be more lubricated at some moments than at others. Taking your time, talking clearly, focusing on how good you two feel, and learning/practicing are the best ways to allow the two of you to enjoy this newfound intimacy together. Even when unexpected events occur, a couple's first experience with intercourse can be meaningful, positive, exciting, pleasurable, and/or fulfilling for many couples. A sense of humour goes a long way, and you have a lifetime together to learn.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Beebop | 2003/12/05

Hey Boerseun why dont you go and play in the mielie fiels and while u there shove a mielie up your arse.

Reply to Beebop
Posted by: Advise | 2003/12/05

Hi

I think whe are not to young I am 18 she is 16, She knows what an orgasm is but never expierenced on orgam she never masterbated before. That is why she want viganal intercourse, she doen not want me to finger or go down or her, The time is not right then? Both whe are scared of doing it, BUT you all know HORMONES it feels like you must do it? I will wait until the time is right, I have one more Question, Whe bath together ( It drives my Wild i get so Horny) but she does not want me to finger her nothing) . But Yeh i will wait and SUFFER from BLUE BALLS just to make here happy:) i don't want to rush things but what can i do to take my mind of SEX and my hormones( I don't Masterbate it is childish)

Thank you

Reply to Advise
Posted by: Boerseun | 2003/12/04

Wait, wait.

You are to young!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is why you are so worried.

Yes, it is very painfull when you are too young!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take your toys and play in the garden. Do not play with things which only adults can handle.

Reply to Boerseun
Posted by: me | 2003/12/04

I think you two are still to young. Please read more about all these things if she don't no what a orgasm is.

Reply to me
Posted by: Robert | 2003/12/04

The first time is usually the most scary time. Try not to make your focus to make her orgasm during penetration. I say this because if she does not orgasm, then the both of you might feel bad because u did not achieve your goal. You will feel like a sexual under achiever, which is not the case.

Maybe what you could do, is have some foreplay, penetrate her and then have some more foreplay until she orgasms.

That is what is usually most pleasurable for my girlfriend and I.

Best of luck and enjoy whatever decision you make.

Reply to Robert
Posted by: Advise | 2003/12/04

Thank you, you say that not all woman reach orgasm not even for there first time? She never hand an orgams before, whe spoke about it and she has no idea wat an orgam is, How can i plessure her for the first time of her life, I love the Girl with my life and i don;t want to mess things up, please give me some pointers

Thank you

Reply to Advise
Posted by: Sean | 2003/12/04

Dude,
Give her what she wants but make sure she is relaxed & "excited" enough.. cos if she is moist enough penertration shouldnt be that difficult.

Dont worry about the blood broer.. lay a towel on the bed & enjoy.

I suggest your foreplay include fingering, which will increase her anticipation and dont rule out going down on her. Cos U should not 'dis' something till U tried it.

Have a good one dude & remember use a condom.

Reply to Sean
Posted by: Robert | 2003/12/04

Just some info. Most women don't orgasm from sexual intercourse, i.e. You don't have to bang away until she orgasms. That is where foreplay etc... comes in.

Enjoy

Reply to Robert
Posted by: shaz | 2003/12/04

not all woman feel pain,if she does then there is nothing you can do but go slow and be gentle and just keep a slow pace until the pain subsides.Just remember to use a condom and that making love is the bonding of two people and the interwinding of two souls!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!

Reply to shaz
Posted by: shaz | 2003/12/04

not all woman feel pain,if she does then there is nothing you can do but go slow and be gentle and just keep a slow pace until the pain subsides.Just remember to use a condom and that making love is the bonding of two people and the interwinding of two souls!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!

Reply to shaz
Posted by: Advise | 2003/12/04

She does not want me to do it that way. She told me that her first time must be Direct no hand or tongue. She want ther first orgasm with sex (breaking virgin)

How can i ease the pain how much does it hurt for her,

thank you

Reply to Advise
Posted by: slow joe | 2003/12/04

Take your time - make her come first either with your tongue or hand. Both of you will know when the time is right.

Don't worry about the blood - it's not that bad!!!!

Reply to slow joe

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