Posted by: Worried about friend | 2008/07/05

Advice please?

My best friend of many years started dating an older woman about 6 months ago and slowly we (our group of friends) have lost contact with her, which is maybe normal cause she was in a new relationship. Then a few weeks ago I heard from someone else that my friend is bitterly unhappy and that her girlfriend is abusing her emotionally, financially and physically. I tried contacting her and at first she wouldn't talk to me but I persuaded her to meet me this morning. I was shocked. In the three months since I last saw her she's lost weight, has dark rings around her eyes, looks a total mess, her hair was dirty, even her clothes looked tacky and she had NO emotion at all, she just drank coffee and refused to answer my questions and then insisted on leaving. I sat there for ages thinking about her and wondering what's going on, obviously not something good. I discussed this with another friend (who also knows her) and was told to keep out, it isn't my business or my problem, that if my friend wanted help she would have said so. I'm not so sure about that and I can't just leave this. I know her brother, he's also gay but they never really got on well but I know where he works and I'm thinking about going to see him on Monday to tell him how worried I am about her. I need some advice - would that be wrong? Could she be angry at me later for trying to help her? I honestly don't know what else to do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi to you Worried, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting.

It certainly sounds as if your friend is in trouble and besides the abuse you mention there could be other factors such as recreational drugs - but that's pure speculation. Your concern is sincere and I suggest that, as Nikkits suggests, you do consider calling in a few troops. The network of friends you refer to would be the best place to start - share your concerns with a few select people you trust and then arrange to meet with your friend as a group, where you confront her collectively. Not with anger or rejection but with facts and your individual and collective concerns for her, and most importantly offering her support and a comfortable way out of her current circumstances if she needs that. You are not responsible for how she reacts to this - you'll be acting out of sincere concern for her. Other than that there's nothing you can do.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/07/07

This is NOT GOOD!

You need to find out more without trying to drag it out of your friend.

You need to round up some "troops" and make an effort to get to the bottom of what is going on.

Be subtle and very careful how you go about it and make sure your friend and her "partner" is not fully aware of the "investigation" at first.

ANy other ideas guys/gals .... eXpert ???????


Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: Worried | 2008/07/07

This may seem strange but what does her new girl friend's name begin with. I was involved in a similar situation and had to get out. What province are they in?

Reply to Worried

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