Posted by: Carol | 2007/06/06

Advice please...

Ok, here goes - dovirced almost 7 years. Ex has been a drop dead dad since, like losing his job more than 4 times, paying maintenance maybe 2 years out of the 7 on and off (been in and out of court and have paid lawyers fees, all in vain - he manages to lie everytime we go to court and makes out like he is this great father and life has treated him so badly and because he is a psycopath, he manages to convince them...), drug taking IN FRONT OF MY KIDS etc etc I am putting 2 boys thru varsity on my own, medical aid, they both stay with me so its food, clothing, and whatever else they require. Elder son has seen thru his father and does'nt really have much to do with him, younger one is a good soccer player and somehow feels the need to include his dad in everything he does, which is fine, but when I come down to watch son play matches, father feels it's his right to chat and be friendly to me - I dont feel the need to chat as if that was me, I would'nt have the audacity to even look the other person in the eye! I get the impression that he is trying to let the soccer club think that we are this happy family, but I am not comfortable greeting him, never mind chatting to him! It has coem to a point we I feel that I dont even want to come down to watch the matches, but why should I miss out on something my son enjoys - besides that, i pay his registration fees etc.e tc. How do I tell this man to not speak to without sounding mean ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear the courts have been so pathetically incompetent in dealing with your maintenance problems --- they should SOLELY look at the child's needs, and not accept ANY claim from the defaultin dad without objective proof of whatever he is claiming. Of course part of your problem may be that his faults may be hard for you to prove, too.
YOu have no need to chat or be friendly with the deadbeat dad. Just say NO and move away from him. And if he persists, turn to one of the other dads and ask him to help, "because this man is pestering me and wont leave me alone".

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Shari | 2007/06/06

Hi Carol

Only sad thing about this mess is that your kids are the ones that are going to suffer i.e. you not supporting their sporting activities because of their dad!! I wish you all the best!!

Reply to Shari
Posted by: Carol | 2007/06/06

C - you have hit the nail on the head!!! I promise you when I am utterly rude to him, he just does'nt get it!!! i have even gone so far as to get the broom and sweep him from my doorstep when he has come to ring the bell, but he has'nt done that ina while. What do you know, because last saturday I was "forced" to reply to some questions he asked, he was outside my house yesterday asking the younger boy to borrow a DVD. because of that, i did'nt go and watch his match last night because I dont want to encourage conversation.....aaaarrrggghh!!

Reply to Carol
Posted by: C. | 2007/06/06

"Jeazus, don't you just wanna fukc off!" I dunno, but if someone says that to me, depends on who it is and how it's said, I would get the mesage. If you're a 'psychopath' though, it might translate into "I love you and wish we could be together again!". Crap, seems you just can't win, can you.

Reply to C.

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