Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Nicky and thanks for this post - we already have a regular Nicky here so we'll call you Nicky II.
People seldom recognise the powerful addictive qualities of nicotine and stopping smoking can cause several short-term problems, including depression and weight gain.
It sounds as if the problem is more related to her current head space than her weight - if she were feeling more motivated, confident and energised she'd probably be more inclined to address her weight. She could probably use a bit of emotional boosting and you may want to reassure her of your love in spite of her feeling down. Tell her gently that you're aware that she's feeling unhappy and that you want to do what's best for both of you. Ask her if she has any suggestions of how you both can break out of that space. You may want to take some initiative and suggest a few changes to your routine - she may be adverse to exercise but suggest that you both go on a bit of a health kick which could include going running together every morning or evening, or even joining a gym. And suggest that you both follow a more healthy diet since you think it would be good for both of you.
If her depression is more severe you could suggest a few sessions of counselling to help her resolve the underlying issues.
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