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Posted by: prilly | 2004/11/08

Advice please

I dont know what to think anymore. My husband and I had some problems previously about woman comming to me and telling me that he had a affair with them or that he wanted to date them. We had endless fights about it and it made me a jealous person. Everytime I see him looking at another woman I would freak. It came to such a stage that I came to the following conclusion : I do not care if those people were telling the truth or lying, I know that I love him and that I do not function properly without him. I then decided that I will stay with him and that I can be happy just so long as I do not hear the stories. Now, on Saturday, we went with my brother in law to go and hire a video. Next to the video shop is a pub, which also has a dance floor. I stayed in the car, and while I was waiting 4 young girls came around the corner to go into the pub, at the same time my husband and his brother walked out of the video shop. I then heard the one girl say to the other that "that is his wife" and then promptly waived at the men. I looked at my husband and brother in law and they had these big grins on there faces, my husband then said "that that would be nice". Now both parties were about 3 to 5 feet away from me and I heard them. I have very good hearing aswel.

Anyway, when my husband and brother in law got into the car they start telling me that those girls are bi. I then in a joking way told my husband that "that would be nice" for him as that was what he had said. I really did not say it in a bitchy or horrible way, I actually laughed, as I know that this has always been a fantasy of his. The next minute he climbs down my throught insulting me and telling me that that was the last time that I make his name ass in front of other people. Wow, wat the hell was that all about? I in turn got angry too and faught back. I told him that if I did not believe it before I believe it now, that he is guilty, just by looking at his reaction. We got home, and then he put both hands on the bible and swore that he did not say that.]
Now today, I hear that the brother says that I am a mean wife to my husband. I am not, I give alot to hem, we do not fight often, i give sex as much as i possibly can, i eat up his shit. My brother in law has a girlfriend, and they both have had affairs, and then beat each other to a pulp. Who does he think he is?

I dont know, I feel like giving up. But giving up to what? I know that I do love my husband so what do I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

he'd hardly be likely to get so furious unless your light comment got closer to the truth than he could handle ! Is marriage counselling really out of the question ? It surely could help.
And how great to have Moral Fibre back --- and I agree with his sentiments. And lady nina summarises your options perfectly.

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Our users say:
Posted by: edmund | 2004/11/08

One cool judgment is worth a dozen hasty councils. The thing to do is to supply light and not heat. - Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924), 1856-1924, Twenty-eighth President of the USA

If youare not for yourself, then who will be for you? And if I you are only for yourself, what are you? And if not now, when?

Reply to edmund
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/08

Hi Prilly,

I think it's all been said above...

Oh wait, maybe one more thing... Ask yourself whether he loves you so much that he'd put up with your infidelity just so that he could always be with you? Well, would he???

You are worth way more than that girl!!!

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/08

hi girl

he is guilty as sin and have no regrets about his lifestyle
he will treat you like dirt untill one day you are a piece of dirt

you have 2 choices - stay and learn to live with him and accept the fact that he doesn't love or respect you enogh to treat you the way yo deserve, find your happiness in side yourself so you don't need him to make yyou feel like a worthy person, you will die little by little , you have to to survive the abuse
or you can leave him - you will hurt and feel like dieing but you will end this one and for all and one day you'll find happiness

take care

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: The Moral Fibre | 2004/11/08

Nevermind the STD's. This wanker made you a promise in front of friends and family and he's quite clearly a liar. I was you, I'd kick his arse into touch without so much as a second glance because I suspect you deserve something a little better and a little more wonderful that this chop of a husband.

Reply to The Moral Fibre
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/08

Prilly... it is common behaviour for a cheating man to turn the tables and make his wife feel like the guilty party. As you have accepted that he is not faithful to you, you have now made him think that you are 'hard-up' for him... so, he expects you to just lump it or leave.
You know... there is a life without this man and there may be someone else who will treat you with the respect that you deserve. But, chances of you improving your life will not happen for as long as you hold onto this abuse. His cheating is not going to stop and since he is so worried about his name and what people think about him, I doubt that he will agree to counselling.
How will you handle it, if he came home with an STD? You honestly deserve so much better.
You need to ask yourself what about him do you love? And what about him do you hate? Then you have to compare the lists and see what you are left with.

Reply to Inc

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