Posted by: Sad dad | 2004/02/21

Advice please

Hi. I am maried for 9 years now, 3 beautifull daughters. I love my wife more than the day we got married. I do everything for my wife to my best. I looked after the girls from early months so she could get enought sleep. If they cry at night they call for me and not my wife. they are 7, 5 and 3 and still only want me at night or when ever. Everybody always tell my wife what a good father I am, but she feel that she`s not good enough. So much so that she wants to leave me. It`s going to break the girls and I can not see myself without them. It`s common for the wife to have the kids after a devorce. Please excuse my spelling, afrikaans. My wife give all other excuses like we don`t communicate enough and I am never there for her. The girls keep me very busy and at night I am "lam" from being at work and then have to play with them. I don`t even know what I am asking for here, I am so scared that I am going to loose them. My wife became very cold towards me and she will be very lonely if he leaves me. I care about her and she knows it. Where did I go wrong. I only tried to be a good father. There`s so much more to tell and I wish somebody can talk sence into her head. Maybe somebody can tell me how I can cope if she leaves.

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Our expert says:
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Firstly, don't accept that it is inevitable that she will leave. Maybe in some ways you have been such an outstanding father you your kids, that she feels redundant and unneeded. Volcano is right -- maybe you've been a better father than you have been a husband, and need to plan deliberately to spend more time with her, for both of you to enjoy, and also to encourage her to share the pleasures of caring for those children.
Also, think very seriously about seeing a marriage counsellor together ( eg through FAMSA ) so that you can better understand her point of view and see how you can increase her happiness, and vice versa.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/23

Hou ons op hoogte.

Reply to volcano
Posted by: Sad dad | 2004/02/23

Hi. Thank you for advice. We had a long talk and we have decided to go for counselling. Thank you any keep up the the good website. Cheers

Reply to Sad dad
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/21

Sad dad, Your wife is feeling neglected, as if she was only the incubator and now she is not really neede any more. Maybe a little jealous of the great relationship you have with your daughters. You must now try and find a healthy balance between the attention/time you give your daughters and your wife. Get a baby sitter once a week and spoil your wife or let the kids stay with the grandparents or friends for a weekend now and again and take her away. It is great being a great dad but not at the cost of your marraige. In ten years time the kids will bel on their way and you could be left all on your own with no-one to pamper and give all your love to. Don't only tell your wife how much you love her and how much she means to you, show her. Try your best here, you have got to much to lose. I really hope it works out for you. Good luck.

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