Posted by: Spark | 2008/08/07

Advice on my life would be nice

Good day,

So much has happened in my life since the last time I went on your site (~3 months ago).
I had a new manager at my previous job, I asked the HR Manager in our KBL branch if any position are available there. Instead of answering me, he went to my manager and I was immediately suspended and fired after the disciplinary hearing. I was unemployed for 1.5 months then I got this amazing job. Salary is more, closer to home, flexi hours and environment is great. Only problem is I am now living in fear that I might get fired over something stupid.

I am still in the long distance relationship with the guy that is busy with his 5 divorce. He is very jealous and possessive. Being a single independent mother, it irritates the living sh*t out of me. Our relationship is mostly sms at night. I feel nauseous after our conversations. We were going to move down to him, I would give out my first home I bought, my 9 year old would change schools etc. I haven’ t told him yet that we are not moving down. I asked him to move up here and he said the only way he will move to JHB, is if his 5yr old moves with his mother here, not for us. When I speak to him on the phone, it feels good, but then again as soon as it is done, I get this sickening feeling come over me. He did ask me to marry him and I said yes, but it was in the beginning when he didn’ t show his true colors. We went to visit him for a week. He sat and I had to cook and clean the whole time, and this is not for me.

Financially I am so deep in the poo this month. As I have no income for the last month, I skipped every account I got, from my bond to the car to the electricity and the short term accounts. I paid my child’ s private schooling. I am so scared they will repo my house or switch my electricity off. Sometimes I think I should just sell the house and move down to him, but that is no reason to destroy our life’ s. “ Don’ t do it if you have a heavy heart.”  This is what Oprah said last night.

How do I stop living in fear? How do I tell myself I deserve better then him and actually believe it? How do I get out of the financial poo? How do I stop smoking? How do I stop messing with my child’ s mind out moving down to KBL, haven’ t told her either that we are not moving.

It was good getting it off my mind. Thanks for listening and any advice will be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I can't imagine how anyone could be fired for asking about a possible tranfer to another branch --- and any HR manager who allows such a thing, and sneaks to someone's boss about it, is the person who ought to be out of a job ! And what of the required procedures of 3 written warnings, etc. ?
Good that you found a better job --- maybe you should chat with the HR here, and with someone at the Dept of Labour / CCMA, whatever, to learn all about your rights as a worker and how to protect them.
IF you feel nauseous after communicating with this guy, and he is so immature, jealous, etc., what's the point in carrying on with this relationship ? Sounds like he wants a servant, not a partner.
See someone at your bank for proper financial advice about how to manage your debts, and how to cut back on all unnecessary expenditure.
Anon 2's comments are wise and helpful, too.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon#2 | 2008/08/07

Write to all the people that you owe explaining that you have a new job and will resume paying what you owe from next month.

Relax in your job and concentrate on the actual tasks - get pleasure out of each success and stop worrying about being fired.

Get rid of this guy - that feeling of nausea is your instinct telling you that this is a bad idea. Even if you were able to cope with a miserable relationship for the sake of the bills, imagine what impact it might have on your child. Focus on making a happy, stable and peaceful home for the two of you - there is plenty of time for everything else later.

Reply to Anon#2

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