Home > Experts > Question Question Posted by: JR | 2013/01/05 Advice Needed, Please help. Hi All. I need some advice on behalf of a friend. Mid last year she met a man who seemed like prince charming gift wrapped and all, and in October he asked her to live with him. She resisted saying she needs her space, and her son needs stability etc, But he promised her the moon and the stars and so she did. He convinced her to give up her place, sell all her belongings.Then he went into what she describes as a severe depression. I think it''s more like he went through a WTF was I thinking, this is not the happily ever after I had in mind. Apparently he became extremely emotionally abusive towards her and even moved out.Last night he sends her a text that he wants her to go, he can''t deal with the chaos and wants his life back and he wants her out NOW.She has absolutely nothing. No family she can go to, no furiture, no bedding, kettle, nothing. She has a car and clothes and that is it. She is also not in a financial position to pay a deposit for a place or to go and buy the basics. She is destitute. I know there is always another side to the story, but, can she claim a kind of maintenance from him till she gets on her feet. This is just so wrong to me that he convinced her to give up everything for a " new life" Where can she go for shelter. I thought about having her stay with me, but my house is small, and I am also not in a position to carry somebody financially as I also just make ends meet, and am saving furiously to send my son to a private school for high school . This would also rattle my son, who is facing his last year of primary school. He absolutely flourished last year academically, and much as I cannot see this woman on the street, I also can''t rock my son''s boat.Any advice would be so welcome. This is really heartsore and I want to help her, I just don''t know how. Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question 34 Our users say: Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/10 Ja, but some people dont get it...:) Reply to Leila Posted by: DH | 2013/01/10 Being crazy certainly helps :-) Reply to DH Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/10 OMG DH!! Im roaring with laughter right now wow!! How do you come up with these jokes?? Funny thing is the other day I saw two people with sheepskins walking in a shop. Maybe one was Sello.. Reply to Leila Posted by: DH | 2013/01/10 Next thing Sello is going to tell us to call him Simba.Hey Sello, when you guys sit around the fire in your sheepskins drinking beer from the paint tine, remember to to eat the Simba chips and not smoke the chips. When they say smaked beef on the packet, they don''t mean " smoke the beef chips to think you are Simba the lion" ....and no Sello, you don''t " Roar with taste" Reply to DH Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/10 And who are the lions and who the man? Reply to Leila Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/09 Sio be it. There will never be peace between lions and ma Reply to Sello Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/09 In that case white also has got to do with everything, including brown and every colour in between. Reply to Leila Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/09 BLACK has got to do with everything Leila, everything Reply to Sello Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/09 Sorry I meant black has got nothing to do with the topic we are talking here. Reply to Leila Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/09 Lol theres nothing in being black. Absolutely nothing. But what does that have to do with making your point here, Sello? Reply to Leila Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/09 I AM BLACK AND STRONG AND I HAVE MADE MY POINT. Reply to Sello Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/08 Posted by: DH | 8/1/2013I do have an antidote for him namely hard work he should come to my house every Saturday and weed my garden.Remember, I did offer to wash his car but he neer took me up on that offer.Hahaha oh yeah I remember...! But then he went to some conference in an attempt to make you forget so perhaps you can catch him again ...." indignation" more like " ignition" of the old tractor lol lol lol Reply to Leila Posted by: DH | 2013/01/08 @Sello - eish...your education could have taken you out of the bush but your mentality keeps you firmly in there....You are a 3rd world man who imagines himself to be part of the 1st world. You are a true coconut 3rd world on the outside and imagines to be 1st world on the inside...Like a stuffed up old tractor with a shiny radio, no matter how much noise the radio makes the tractor remains a piece of junk.You can imagine as much as you want, we just laugh at you, your insults and your self rightious indignation.... Reply to DH Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/08 That lady is not poor. In terms of SA standards she owns a car and therefore cannot be poor. I donate through my coporate Social Investment and beyond that i use my own discretion. I have told you already DH that you do not qualify to wash my car I would rather have a decent poor white guy to do it and not a pig. You seem to have a very short memory hence such ludicrous and empty opnions. DH through my curiosity i have accumulated my intellect through what the bantu education offere me, i improvised and the education which i received from the ANCYL and later the ANC. I read newspapers daily with particular interest in economics and politics. There are many baboons like me so chill broer we are only getting better and better. There is no amount of insiniuation from prigs that can change the situation. The only best thing you can do is to inmpress the pitch aka female pigs so see you , I''ll rather not be here. Reply to Sello Posted by: DH | 2013/01/08 I do have an antidote for him namely hard work he should come to my house every Saturday and weed my garden.Remember, I did offer to wash his car but he neer took me up on that offer. Reply to DH Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/08 Yeah I remember what Sello said, come on Sello, fork out now, your wealth is needed, give to the poor lady.@Leila - Sello has a mouthwash hangover...again...So tell me Sello, did you buy you " Intellect" with your drivers license?Omg @DH, do you have an antidote for Sello?! Reply to Leila Posted by: DH | 2013/01/08 @Sello - why don''t you give the lady R100K from your R33Million so that she can start over. Come on, do your civic duty and help out a fellow South African. Didn''t you say that you were going to donate all your wealth to the poor?@Leila - Sello has a mouthwash hangover...again...So tell me Sello, did you buy you " Intellect" with your drivers license? Reply to DH Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/08 No Sello, Im just trying to make sense out of things. Sorry about that... Reply to Leila Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/08 Leila you can try and repeat everything DH is saying about me in an attempt to disprove me but you will fail. A pig and a pitch is no where near my intellect. Reply to Sello Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/07 Hope it works out for your dear friend, JR. Lol ''a good chuckle'' at all the comments u mean?DH | 7/1/2013@Leila - Sello drank all his mouthwash again this morningHeehee, no wonder he''s spitting venom! Reply to Leila Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/07 wwwdotzadotboelldotorgfowardslashdownloadsfowardslashHousing_Eviction_Booklet_for_web_and_e-mail_use.pdf Reply to Sello Posted by: JR | 2013/01/07 Thank you all for your comments. I really appreciate it, and I will pass them all on to her, and after she has had a good chuckle (hopefully) she can decide. Reply to JR Posted by: JR | 2013/01/07 Jo, it''s the saddest thing, and my heart bleeds for her and I just thank the Lord all over again for everything I grumble about daily. She is painfully aware that it''s her own fault, and all of us that have been there and done that told her not to, but we all know how love is, don''t we. All we see is the moonshine and roses. We forget about the mud, and although I am not much of a mud person, I prefer the glass half full rather than half empty, I will never get in a situation where I am completely dependent on a man. I will always retain my financial independence, and I will make sure that I always have somewhere to go if the relatiohship goes south - even if it means I have to pay a bond on a place that is fully furnished and standing empty. With this easy come, easy go lifestyle of today we have to look out for ourselves. We have to be as educated as we can, hold down the best jobs we possibly can and earn the maximum money we can so that we are totally independent, and this is something I wish I could get accross to all women. Not because all men are bad, but because you just never know when it''s going to go wrong. Reply to JR Posted by: jo | 2013/01/07 Your friend unfortunately blindly followed a mans promise, her own actions, sadly it backfired. He has no obligation to pay any form of money to her at all. Sadly she is on her own here. She can try stay but im quite sure she doesnt want to subject her child to his behavior nor would she want to be around him let alone he can change the locks, throw her things out etc.If there was a lease agreement signed then he has no right to chase her out as its a binding contract signed by both the friend and this man and the owner of the property.The only thing you can do is find out possible shelter, or even a room for her to rent. I understand this must upset you and i had a friend in similar problem, some men thats all i can say.. Reply to jo Posted by: DH | 2013/01/07 @Leila - Sello drank all his mouthwash again this morning Reply to DH Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/07 In conclusion. DH you are a typical pig that lacks the capacity to comprehend and appreciate the law. Secondly it is my considered view that you are either the man who is trying to kick the lady out, or you are somewhat related to that man or you are simply heading the same direction thus being so naive on the subject matter. it all makes sense now. Reply to Sello Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/07 Posted by: DH | 7/1/2013Sello - are you drunk?Hahahaaaa omg what is happening?!? Reply to Leila Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/07 Exactly how to go? I am glad at least you understand the question. She does not have immediate accommodation hence she needs to explore every possible legal means to stay on. Her rights have been violated and thats the bottom line. Why must she now suffer as a consequent of an irresponsible man who invited her into his house. That man must take full responsibility for his action. i do not believe that at this age in time there are people who think that the law doesnt protect woman from domestic vilance - please DH are you that dumb? All she has to do is to initiate a protection order or interdict. I am sure there is eneough evidence at this stage that she can use to prove that an interdict is neccessary. If she does not have it soon she will because surely this guy is a ninkampoep and will commit a grave error. JR take my advice and pass it on to your lady friend.The laws of this country are very comprehensive DH you still have a lot to learn. Did you know that an umarried woman can claim on the estate of a late partner as long as she can prove that she was living with the deceased? Just another example to confuse you DH. Reply to Sello Posted by: DH | 2013/01/07 Waffle waffle...The lady sold all her stuff and moved herself and her child in with a man. Now he no longer wants them around. What does she do in practical terms.The law and all that is not particularly useful when you are not married and living in another man''s house. The man can make it very unpleasant for her and the child on a daily basis while she is trying to fight for some or other legal right you think she may have. The law doesn''t protect women from domestic violence, how in the hell is the law going to protect her when she is still living in his house.She already said that he is depressive and verbally abusive, do you think that it would be wise for her and her child to stay there.The practical problem to be overcome is not how to stay but rather how to go! Reply to DH Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/07 DH you know very well that I am not drunk and clearly you are completely clueless of what I am talking about here. Go and read swine. Reading is something that was invented by Africans many years ago. This lady can buy some time and possibly sue. An agreement does not have to be reduced to writting only. In terms of the law a verbal agreement can enjoy same status as a written agreement. In this instance it is clear that some considerable discussions took place between the lady and the man regarding this " vat en sit" arrangement and when she accepted to move in with him, a verbal agreement was struck. Now that is substantive ground for her to aergue her case. Eventually she will move out but this will be done procedurally and not hastingly you moron. Your stupidity and lack of intuition in many matters explains why you ditched your wife and kids and didnt join them for holiday instead you had to deal with your work backlog which was a result you spending days on MT moarning and bitching about SA. Get a life its 2013 everyone is moving on. Reply to Sello Posted by: DH | 2013/01/07 Sello - are you drunk? Reply to DH Posted by: DH | 2013/01/07 Does she work?She can''t claim anything from him and I doubt that she has any claim to his place of resedence because there was no form of contractual agreement between them.Difficult one, I can''t think of an answer other than trying to collect what she needs on Gumtree. Reply to DH Posted by: Sello | 2013/01/06 I will focus on the accommodation part of the problem. You lady freind has at least 3 to 6 months chances of staying in that property without being pushed out. It can also happen that she can be there for at least another 12 months depending how she responds to the demands of the emotionaly abusive boyfreind. Thanks to the ANC government the rights of the valnerable people are protected under the constitution, bill of rights and the Prevention of Illegal Eviction Act. This is how it goes.Firstly in terms of the PIE Act, the legal owner of that property must give her a reasonable notice to move out. Usualy this is done in terms of an existing lease / rental agreement. This can be set at a minimum of 30 days / calender month notice. In this instance it appears though that there was no agreement but there is nothing to fear because the 30 days notice still applies and thats the beauty of the law. Legal precedence dictates that this be a calender month notice i.e notice must be given on the first day of the month. So lets look at the numbers. Its already past the 1st of the month, so your lady friend can easily stay for the rest of this month without fear. If that emotionally abusive guy is clever eneough he will then give her a notice on the 1st of February. Lets assume he''s clever eneough and he does so. That gives your lady freind something like 54 days to stay put. Since she does not have anywhwere to go for now, she can simply ignore the notice. The owner is likely going to go through his nuts if he has any and he is likely going to waist the whole of March bickering and squiling and trying to figure out what to do next with the situation. Another 30 days that gives your lady freind 84 days in total. Eventually he will get lawyers on his side to try to kick the lady out. Now this is the part I like. The lawyers will insist on starting the process from scratch in order to ensure that they do things properly in line with the requisite regulations. The lawyers will then write their own 30 days / calender month notice and ensure that it is properly worded. This gives your lady freind another 30 days. That gives you 114 days score. Again your lady freind can ignore that letter and the next thing to follow will be a notice of eviction / eviction summonses. Now this is where she must start doing something. She can oppose the eviction and respond formally to the summonses. In her response, she must then state her case in defense and counter sue for all the damages she has suffered as a result of her being falsly invited to come and stay with this guy and the fact that she was told to sell everything she had. Once the guy and his lawyers cites her responding affidavit they will seek to change the litigation stratergy because they will realise that she has a strong case. No one likes to be countersued especially on a clear cut case like this. By this time it would be arround 250 days. Yes almost a year staying put in that property. The guys lawyers are likley to invite her in their offices and try to strike a deal. Now this is where she must demand to be given ample time to sort herself out. She could ask up to a year excluding the 250 days she already spent. If they refuse then the matter will be set down for the courts. Given the circumstances arround which she was invited to come and stay with the guy and the fact that she has a child the court is likely going to give her a minimum of 3 to 6 months to vacate the property and that will give her a full year. Shew needs to emphasise that when she was invited to come and stay with this guys she was told in clear terms that she will not pay rent as this was " vat en sit" deal. She has an option of appointing her lawyer or approach the housing tribunal they have offices in all provinces. As a landlord i hate giving this kind of information but what the hell this lady was not treated well from the start so she can have this advice for mahala. Good luck Reply to Sello Posted by: Leila | 2013/01/06 I wish I had a solution for you JR. Since no body is responding I took the initiative to respond to you. I hear what a difficult situation your friend is in. I really dont know of a shelter for abused women but I would assume there is one. All we have to do is find out more. I would feel the same if I were you. Wishing the best of luck and hope you find a solution soon. Reply to Leila Have your say Your name (optional) Your comment Security × Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly. Search health advice Find an answer × Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly. Reply to Your name (optional) Your comment Security Close Submit comment Recently: Asked Questions Answered Questions Commented Questions i am on chronic medication fro hypertension but does not help what can i do? Advice on getting hysterectomy Advice on getting hysterectomy Is it anxiety? I had a complicated UTI the doctor gave me Ciploxx 500, after 7 days I`m still swollen and now my urien is full of blood. Accidentally took corenza c and am breastfeeding Asthma medication Shortness of breath Shortness of breath and wheezing. What can I expect from a cough that is related to bacterial pnuemonia? Hi im on depo for one month now and have gained 7kg despite of the fact that im using herbex slimming products.What can I di to stop the weight gain? Contramyl XR vs. Concerta I feel being in denial is the root. Only then could it be solved. Hes willing but surrounded by family setting him up knowing he'll fail They tell me watch see what he does. It never fails. Helovesher Am I the problem Resignation query advertisement From our sponsors Win a R1 500 hamper with Alpecin Hypertension Consumer Fact Sheet Understanding diabetes self-management WIN a R2000 Skin Renewal voucher!