Posted by: Future | 2009/03/09

advice needed.

Dearest CB. I' ve been married for 4 years in April and have been through so much already. To make a long story short. My hubby and I though the normal " hick-up"  probs recently found out that he has a problem with his sperm which results in us not having kids at this moment. We coped well with this situation as I have a kid from a prev relationship. Because his mother was asking many quest I told him that we must tell her (very inquisitive rude women). She, because I have a child blamed me that we cant have kids and I took the blow to cover for him. Anyway, as human as I am I told him that we must tell her. We eventually did and since then our marriage has been down. I as his wife did not want to pressurise him and stepped back and started keeping myself busy with gyming and all. But she calls him during working hours and constantly puts pressure on him (i picked this up although he denies). She has a HUGE influence in her sons. He would come home moody and would loose his temper and get insulting towards me. Two weeks ago I couldnt anymore it was getting worse and worse and left. I still dont regret it. I love him very much and would go back in an eye blink but not under those circumstances. The funny thing is we attended a wedding on sat as we accepted the invite. I at first did not want to go but then he was " begging"  and I went. We had passionate sex in the car(as parking was my favourite thing to do before we got married). And last night I called him again to say that I want to. We then went parking again where we used to go before marriage and the sex was great. During our marriage sex also got boring which was communicated alot. I told him that we must do things to spice things up but to no avail. Could you please give me some advise CB. Do you think these sex escapades are going to make things worse? I first want him to aplogise to me and my son and then we must go for councelling before I move back?thank you for your help!!!

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Our expert says:
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SOunds like his mom is both doing the common but selfish thing of pushing a couple to have babies ( that's really none o her business ) and if there are any problems in that direction, wanting to be clear it cannot possibly be the responsibility of her son. If you have had a child before, your fertility is likely. Whether or not you can have children together depends largely on the biology of where the poblem lies, and whether ( and how ) it can be remedied. And of course, you can't have children together unless you actuall are together, and having sex. Fertility isn't generally related to the sex being great or boring. Couples counselling would be a really good idea, as it sounds as though there are fairly complex problems between you which need sorting out, and it would benefit both of you. If you are separated right now, and he wants you back, that might motivate him to more sincerely take part in the counselling you both need. The relationship needs to be sorted out before it'd be sensible or practical to deal with whatever else might be needed to sort out the fertility issues

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