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Question
Posted by: powerpuff | 2007/12/19

advice - marriage

i decided to take time out from my marriage for a few days after my husband and i agreed to try and work things out. the reason being is that my husband was cold and arrogant towards me - he told me stuff like i as living in his house because he paid the bond. being an extremely semsitive person i coulnt bear to hear these things.
we have had a lot of trouble in our marriage that arose all of a sudden after i returned from a business trip. we have like other couples - argued and fought with each other to the point that sometimes he hurt me and sometimes i attempted to commit suicide.his excuse for hurting me physically was that he tried stopping me from hurting me however this is not the case as he has hurt me previously even when i asked to be left alone. he accuses me of emotional abuse and maintains that he is a victim in this whole situation.

we have even tried going to a marriage cousellor and i thought that it was quite positive but he then mocked the counsellor and maintains that he will not change who he is for anyone and that it is basically his way or the highway. further more - my husband has hacked into my emails and has invaded my personal space and he has related info from emails that i wrote when i was extremely angry with him . he has made me seem like a complete psychopath in front of both of our families. he believes that i am to blame for everything that is going on in his life and he has labelled me as being unstable - and accuses me of having feelings for someone i left a few years ago. my husand is very materialistic and he says that he is not unstable as he would not be able to maintain such a high posiion in a company. what about me - surely if i were unstable i would not be given a job with a high degree of responsiblity of servicing clients.

can you help me understand what is going on in my life - what does my husband want??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Marriage counsellors can achieve much, but only where both partners cooperate and are sincerely wanting the counselling to succeed, This sounds like a situation of continuing abuse, and POWA could advise better perhaps. DOn't allow him to make you doubt yourself, and perhaps personal counselling for you, such as CBT, could help you regain self-confidence and self-esteem, and become more appropriately assertive while finding th best solution for you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ex | 2007/12/19

sounds like you married my ever controlling, dominating, selfish, arragant, materialist ex. I tried marriage counsellors, family, friends, anything and everything. After 15 years of constants fights and verbal, emotional, physical abuse, he left.... Yipee!!!! 3 months later, he could not find anyone else to control and wanted to come back. Told him"hit the road, jack"

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