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Question
Posted by: CB | 2007/08/08

ADVICE???

My fiance and i have been together for just over 6 years, engaged for just over a year and we have a 5 mnth old baby.
My fiance is very close to his gran, he has always spent alot of time with her and ihave always respected that - before we had our baby, i spent alot of time there too! My problem now is that i feel that he is spending "our time" with her instead of us! He goes there at least 3 times a week, and is there for 2 - 3 hours at a time. I've told him that i have a problem with this - but he thinks that i'm trying to come between him and his family, but all i'm trying to tell him is that we are also his family - i feel that we should be his priorty! Am i wrong?

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Our expert says:
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I agree with Maria. Its good that he respects and spends some time with his grandmother, but this sounds like an excessive amount of time when he has a mate like you and a child. Have you tried discretely discussing this with the grandmother ? Maybe she is a lonely old lady, and my involving her more directly with your family and your child, you might solve the problem of him having to choose EITHER her or you. Couldn't granny help with some baby-sitting, enabling the pair of you to spend some time out together ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: John | 2007/08/08

I have a buddy that plays golf every weekend and has done so since he was old enough to order a beer in a pub. He got married recently and his wife has begun complaining about his golf. Without discussing the merits of their individual arguments, he said that when she met him he was playing golf and his behaviour, now, is par for the course.

You find yourself in a similar, but less perilous, situation. If you search for the silver lining here then be glad that he shows a strong sense of family (which you will benefit from in the future). He loves his granny and the fact that he is willing to spend time with her shows a sense of balance, of maturity. I have a feeling that if you come on to strongly here you will come off second best. Ask him to come home an hour earlier and express this need sensitively. Do not make it into a competition. And, with my tongue half in my cheek, how old is his granny anyway......? How much longer will he have to visit.....?

Reply to John
Posted by: Maria | 2007/08/08

He certainly spends what sounds like excessive periods of time with his grandmother. You are quite right, you and baby must be his first priority now. How would she take it if you asked her to tell him this?

Reply to Maria

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