Posted by: Um | 2009/01/19

Adult ADD


My husband was diagnosed with ADD as a child, but it was left untreated as he was very stubborn as a child and his parents could not manage to get him to be treated. I know it sounds impossible, but believe me even today as an adult he is very stubborn.

Although his intelligence is above average (he has 3 varsity degrees and has a fantastic, well paying job and a business on the side), he lacks in other departments nl emotional (relationships, especially with family) focus (when we have to have serious conversations), organizational (tidying after himself, which I have given up hope of ever changing and planning, time schedules) and sometimes he goes into ' phases'  where he is totally procrastinating.

I' m not going to discuss his shortcomings with him and since I found out that he was diagnosed with ADD as a child, I have stopped nagging him as my nagging was starting to border on insulting. He' s a really good man, but if I' m not there to keep things in tact, everything other than the finances goes out of balance. Which causes me to change into someone I despise and we have huge nasty fights.

Are there ways to work around these issues that would suit us both, how can I be a better, more caring wife and help motivate him to be who I know him to be? Also, I' m almost 7 months pregnant and the stress and tension is too much. Feeling sad and overwhelmed most of the time and having to work so hard to keep everything functioning at home is physically draining.

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Our expert says:
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What you describe doesn't sound especially typical of Adult ADD, but more of broader personality and behavioural problems, some of which might respond well to CBT style counselling. Nagging doesn['t work ( if it did, you'd only need to do it once or twice ) --- so you're wise to recognize this and stop using a method which isn't working. Too often, when we find out method isn't working, we do it twice as much or twice as hard. Personal counselling could help you, of course --- and what about some marriage counselling, so you can jointly work on any irritations that affect both of you ?

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