Our expert says:
No. People deal in very different ways with finding out that they were adopted, but while sometimes it might make one feel uncwertain of a particular relationship with the real and/or adoptive parents, it doesnt usually ( not have I come across it or read of it ) make one globally insecure or seeking to control all others and all events.
Some military or police experience of being a petty tyrant might make someone excessivwely expect obedience in others, but most people are sensible enough to recognize the different situations. I assume he doesn't do a bed inspection or make the family line up and salute. Discuss this calmly with him. If he is able to recognize that this is a problem and wishes to improve on it, individual counselling for him, maybe couples counselling for the pair of you, could promote help this change. If he doesn't accept that there is any problem, and/opr doesnt want to change, then rather end the relationship tactfully. There's no benefit to either of you in a relationship that makes you feel uselsss and miserable
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