Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Ben and thanks for your message,
Congrats on your anniversary.
People have various preferences in terms of what they enjoy sexually, including what role they prefer. Some are versatile while others aren't. You mention that you enjoyed being active with him, but I'm wondering how he experienced being on the receptive end? Has he enjoyed being penetrated by other guys, before your relationship?Some guys simply don't enjoy the sensation of being penetrated.
Importantly, your sexual interactions are taking place within the framework of a relationship and your sex will be influenced by other dynamics in the relationship. For example, what else is going on between you guys in terms of power dynamics, communication and other roles that you play in your relationship? Don't cheat on your partner - that would change your relationship completely, even if your partner never finds out about it. Rather try to share your feelings about the issue with him in a non-confrontational tone.
You also imply that it is you who has to initiate all the sex. Is it possible that you have a higher sex drive than your partner? Where a couple are not compatibile in terms of their sexual preferences and sex drives they will need to negotiate and reach a sense of compromise. If that doesn't work, some couples negotiate making the relationship more 'open' - coming to an agreement about having sex with someone or people outside of the relationship. Obviously this has huge implications for your relationship and unless the process is very carefully negotiated, with total acceptance by both parties, it is likely to lead to problems down the line. Having been together for one year though you need to acknowledge that the relationship is still in a fragile stage of development.
Another option is for you guys to have a few sessions of couple counselling. A gay counsellor could help you explore the issue in the context of your relationship and help you resolve the probelm, one way or the other. Call the Gay & Lesbian Helpline on (021) 4 222 500 any day between 1 pm and 9 pm and ask if they have a gay counsellor listed in your area.
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