Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/08/11

Abusive relationship

My friend (married) is in an abusive relationship. The husband abuses her verbally, emotionally and physically. How can you leave with yourself beating up your wife? This past weekend while many South Africans were celebrating womans day including men this one was busy beating up his wife. What happened to talking things through? This guy went to club (as usual) and came back in the early hours of the morning. Apparently the wife was sleeping on " his side of the bed"  and when he asked her move she said it' s one of those days when i sleep on your side and you sleep on my side. And then all of a sudden there was an argument, he pushed her out of the bed and when she was trying to hold on to him, her finger nails scratched him and he started beating her up. I couldn' t believe it when i saw the marks on her body over a stupid argument. Can you believe this? What should she do? And this is not the first time and it won' t be the last either. What annoys me is the fact that he doesn' t even apologise, he doesn' t see that he is wrong. Its always the wifes fault. I' ve ran out of advises, i don' t know what to say to her anymore. I' m not married, i don' t know what to say to her anymore. What should she do? They have a small baby (6 months).

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Our expert says:
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If the abusive spouse can live with themselves then they should do so alone, and their victims should be encouraged to contact a helping agency like POWA, and find out about their safest way to leave the swine behind, and to seek the protection of a court order against him or her. Also after an assault such as you describe, she could lay criminal charges against him. Abusers usualyl convince themselves that everything wrong they do is always someone else's fault, never theirs. He has to learn through what happens to him, that this behaviour is inexcusable and unacceptable, and has to stop. They continuie to do such things because they find that there are no negative consequences for them, and so long as they are allowed to get away with it, they will do it

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2009/08/12

i love you Anon. Enough is enough.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Anon | 2009/08/12

Oooi this kind of thing just gets my blood boling...!!

Advise from a Police officer to his best friend getting abused day after day..


A nice big pot of Vaseline ... Line the bath out with this.. put nice bath water to the top with bubble bath lots of it.. be very nice and loving towards him .. give him some wine.. wait till his in the bath.. hit him dizzy with a Baseball or Cricket batt ..Evertime he wants to get up he will slide his sorry-|-off and fall int he bath unable to balance then you hit him all over where he hit her (you) DONT KILL HIM JUST A PLAIN GOOD BOERE MOER.. TRUST ME HE WOULD NEVER EVER LIFT HIS HANDS AGAIN!

And if he wants to go to the police well let him go you have proof AND FRIENDS to support your case of domestic violence against him.. !!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: D | 2009/08/11

I agree with Friend that she should have him arrested. The law is pretty strict in terms of the Domestic Violenece Act and there is no way he will get away with what his doing.
She can also further arrange for a protection order. The police stations are very helpful when it comes to these matters.
I had my bf arrested 2 weeks ago for slapping me in public. This weekend I went out by myself without his knowledge. He found out and did not lift a finger.... so there!!

Reply to D
Posted by: friend | 2009/08/11

i' ve been in the same situation yrs ago and when u are there u always hear ppl saying that you should leave and actually thats the last thing you want to hear so the best thing for this lady is to get him arrested and dont visit him in jail. and when he comes out he will realise what he did and would never think of doing it again thats what i did to my husband, and its been 15yrs now since he' s toched me in that way, it worked 4 me mayb it will work 4 her...
best of luck...
ps. the only reason y men feel that they can do this to woman its because they know they can get away with it.. make him know that he can' t..

Reply to friend

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