Posted by: Mrs Ex | 2005/11/21

Abusive ex - now I feel silly

Guys, need your help and encouragement. Divorced from the abusive ex but he persists in acting like a child. Fro swearing at me on Fri in the parking lot of my daughter's new school, to not answering my questions re. taking the kids, to ignoring me, to threatening not to take them to "try" and upset me, to getting his girlfriend to email me every other including, especially after I asked him to tell her to stop it. The threats and abusive are how I lived my marriage and what he does is have a go at you until you crumble, crack and falter, then he smiles. Then he goes onto to being "nice" so you feel silly having EVER thougt he's a pig. Well it has gotten out of hand and I have worked hard at putting my feelings and hurt aside for the kids, but I am tired of being abused. Fri was the last straw now I am supposed to mail my lawyer who wants to write a firm letter (which the ex will probably laugh at) and then only will we get an interdict. But now me being soft, feels shame, let's not complicate matters, let it go, it will be the last time. But it never is. Please help me write that email to the lawyer, I am tired of fighting so I back off, until next time.

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Our expert says:
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Hi MRs E,
I think you may want to explore, with a good lawyer, and/or the advice of the folks at the Family Court, getting a court interdict to forbid him and his gf from harrassing or annoying you in any way. And if he makes problems about his access to the kids, he could potentially lose that access. The letter ma be intended as a preliminary meant to convinc the court that you have tried to handle this without an interdict, and thus to make it weasier for you to get an interdict. And if he breaks it, complain and have him sent to jail. Keep copies of his gf's emails, and anything else that confirms the ongoing harrassment. Do NOT forgive him or go soft on this --- get the interdict, keeping him and her away from you. Your marriage surely taught you that every time you back off, he'll do it again. Stop him this time.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/21

Stop being a victim. Only you can stop it!

If you dont, you mustnt complain anymore that he abuses you, cuz then you choose it.
So do make the right choise...TODAY!?

Reply to Delene
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/21

Don't back off, because it's not going to stop. Let your lawyer write this letter, and get an interdict against him and his girlfriend. And if it amuses their small minds, all thanks due to you. You don't have to accept abuse for anybody, especially not your ex and his girlfriend - the audacity!!!

My ex and I were friendly for many years after the divorce, then he met this woman whom he's marrying soon. Suddenly, he changed and became quite nasty. I've had the nasty phone calls and e-mails, he's now even telling our children horrible lies about me. I'm considering seeing a lawyer to put a stop to this.

Don't leave it, and good luck!

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Do it!!! | 2005/11/21

Don't back down, he will do it again and again and needs to be taught a lesson. And don't feel silly about it, you deserve so much better.

Reply to Do it!!!
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/21

write the letter to the lawyer.... and REFUSE to talk to this man unless it is absolutely necessary.... having children together complicates that a little... but if your lawyer writes this letter i am sure this man will see things a little differently......... he might tell you that he doesnt care about it... or he might laugh about it in front of others but he is a coward and thats why he needs to abuse you and get control.......... so internally he will be quivering and concerned............ and if he doesnt take it seriously then you go ahead and get that court order..... but during all of this do your best not to let his abuse get to you.... don't entertain his questions or respond to emails......... when you talk to him let it only be about child matters........... cut him off totally and let the lawyers let him know that you mean business....... you can do it!!....... good luck.!

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