Our expert says:
Hello BT, nice to hear from you again.
Hmm. There are many ways in which someone can hurt, harm, or bother someone else, I'm not sure whether it is always useful to call them all "abuse", especialyl as doing so can dilute recognition of the more major and harmful forms of abuse. In the situation you describe, I'd more see the financial demands and threats as part of the emotional abuse. Most abusers are rather creative in findign different ways in order to harrass their target.
Of course you know there could be no benefit whatever in seeing Him again, and many risks in doing so. What HE wants is irrelevant compared to what benefits you and your child. Dismiss any and all feelings of guilt when they occur to you, recognizing them as reflext habits he carefully trained you to feel. You should have no reason to give your address to ANYBODY else, and no occasion, therefore, to "slip". This man does not love you --- he claims to love you when it suits him, for some other reason and when he wants something. His words, again, are irrelevant compared to his actions, and those don't say "love".
CBT is a good method for unlearning these bad habits, disconnecting the triggers he built into you, and losing those feelings of being compelled to do his bidding.
Happy birthday, indeed, to the little chap !
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