Posted by: INFIN | 2008/01/25


Hi there

I need some help to declaire if my fiance is emotionally abusing me.

We are together for 3 years now and have a 10month old baby. He was Prevoiusly married with 2 sons ( aged 5 and 12). His ex wife was having lots af affairs, he caught her several times in bed with another man.

When we started dating, he wasnt jelous at all. I was a weight of 60 and after the birth of my baby it is almost 90kg. Im 20 kg's over my weight. Now he says Im fat but doesnt want me to go to the gym or go on a diet. He says that Im having an affair but Im not. Emotionally he is busy to break me. I love him. But after the birth of our baby he changed completely. He doesnt help me with our baby, house hold nothing, he even keeps my salary, check my phone the whole time. He emplies that I phone people from my work phone. Delete messages from my phone...

I dont do all of that. Even when we have a monthly function for work, he says that Im flurting with my co-workers. He come and sit at my office the whole day wathcing me. He even fights with me in front of my co-workers for nothing. Calls me fat in front of them.

What do I need to do?

Should I pack me and my baby's stuff and go or what?

Please Im desperate?

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Our expert says:
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If it feels abusive, hurts you and you are in despair, then it probably is emotional abuse --- deciding what's best for you to do about it doesn't depend on an artificial definition. Even if he were not abusive, he sounds like a lazy and selfish slob, who is needlessly ( apparently ) suspicious, over-controlling and intrusive. He sounds insecure and unpleasant, and not fit to be anyone's husband or partner.
WOuld he consider joining you in marriage / relationship counselling, eg through FAMSA ? IF not, the relationship with him is very unlikely to improve, and you should then rather seek personal counselling to work out what's best for you and the child. Also call your local branch of POWA and see what they can provide for you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Sue | 2008/01/25

I really think counselling would be the best solution.... as he has past issues to deal with and i dont believe in just leaving relationships, working threw them and working together at something makes a relationship far stronger

Reply to Sue
Posted by: INFIN | 2008/01/25

THANK YOU, he is a very good father. But emotionally I cant take this anymore.

Reply to INFIN
Posted by: Anon This Time | 2008/01/25

Alot of people will tell you to pack up your things and leave. But it is easier said than done. He is the father to your child therefore he will always be a part of your life.

I went through a very difficult time with my fiance and I left many times, but I loved him so much I went back everytime and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

You should be thinking about what is best for your child right now, does your child deserve to be around a father like him. Because what he is doing will affect your child, and will grow up thinking that it is ok for Fathers to speak to Mothers that way.

All I can say is maybe seeking councilling, even if it is with a minister if you can not afford it right now but do something. This situation is not healthy for anyone!!!

Good luck :)

Reply to Anon This Time

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