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Question
Posted by: confused | 2002/12/13

About sadomasochism

I searched to web. This is what I found. Sadomasochism is a humiliating and degrading form of sexual perversion practiced by those who suffer from emotional problems. The submissive partner receives this mistreatment, and in the process, claims to derive sexual pleasure. These practices involve sexual urges and fantasies of being humiliated, beaten, bound or otherwise made to suffer. This is not just a one-night stand, but also a total commitment to that kind of living. From the time you wake up you want to be in complete control of your partner, who must be a dominant person (sadist). This may sound very interesting and “cool”, but trust me, it if a definite way of loosing one’s respect for yourself and your partner. This is not a game. Resources showed a connection between these practise and Satanist. I know this is not a religion forum. But be aware. I think my husband was introduced to this wile working away from home for 2 years, and a fun trip to a “ladies club” introduced him to this. Before you think of even try this somewhere please do not. This is really a way of demons attacking you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

"Dropping hints" is no way for grown-ups to communicate about anything important. If your husband is, in fact, hinting, you two are having an important conversation without really talking to each other. To find out if the two of you are having the same conversation, simply ask: "John, are you hinting that you're curious about SM? If so, let's talk about it." Some people think that direct conversation is "unromantic," but how romantic is miscommunication and misunderstanding?

Let's assume, then, that you check it out, and your husband is indeed interested in SM. SM is short for sado-masochism, which involves playing with power dynamics in erotic settings. It only involves pain if both partners so desire. It doesn't feel like what it looks like; it's about trust and intensity, not pain. People who enjoy SM say it's extraordinarily intimate.

What exactly is your husband interested in? There are as many varieties of SM as there are kinds of flowers. There's physical domination, role-playing, bondage, costumes, verbal humiliation, and good old-fashioned spanking, with or without toys.

So talk, yes, talk about what he's curious about, as well as your own curiosity and hesitation. Such a conversation will give you a chance to discover (or disclose) whether or not, say, wrist restraints sound quite exciting. For more information, see the books Consensual Sadomasochism by William Henkin and Sybil Holiday, and Bound to Be Free by Charles Moser and J.J. Madeson, or the videos Ecstatic Moments by Libido Films and S/M Why? from Focus Films.

Of course, SM is by definition consensual, so only do what you want to do. Of course, arranging it so that your partner "forces" you to do something that you're curious about is a wonderful aspect of SM for some people. And that's what makes it mandatory to agree on a "safeword" before you begin; when you're playing, "stop" might mean, "For God's sake, don't stop," while, say, "elephant" means, "Stop, really stop right now."

Finally, you're feeling pressured by your husbands "ex-girlfriend's" enthusiasm. Let's end this right now: You aren't her, will never be, and don't need to be. She's gone, along with her unique preferences. You're the unique individual in your guy's life now, enjoy your position.

Remember always safe, sane and concensual

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lancelot | 2002/12/14

What you are referring to seems to be sadomasochism as a lifesyle. There is a big difference between sadomasochism as a lifestyle and as a fetish. Some people enjoy milds forms of bondage/spnaking as an occasional part of their lovemaking (e.g. in the form of role playing games). There is nothing wrong or degrading with this as long as both parties are happy with the 'roles' they are playing.

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