Our expert says:
Try to treat your mom's unpleasant comments as you would treat the dog next door when he barks - the noise is about the dog, and her nasty comments are ABOUT HER, not about you. let them pass. Treat it as though she had embarrassingly passed wind - its not pleasant, but not something you'd allow to ruin your evening.
Tell her if she genuinely wants to be your best friend, she still has to learn how to be friendly , and how to pay attention to what you need and enjoy, and to notice and react to whatever effect her words have on you.
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