Posted by: zardi | 2008/11/13


I have been married for four years, I found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant. I am thinking of getting an abortion, I am not ready for a kid, I am still struggling to get into a proper career and we recenly bought a house, so financially its not really feasible. i feel very guilty as my friend has been struggling to fall pregnant for over a year. I know it very selfish, but i just wont cope with a child. is there anyone i can talk to? no one knows

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Our expert says:
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pop's response makes good sense. YOu are married, so any decision about abortion or whatever other response MUST be taken in discussion with your husband --- it is his child as well as yours. And I also like pop's point about how it may never seem like the ideal time to have a child, and one needs to be clear where having a child fits in among your other priorities

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Our users say:
Posted by: Joy | 2008/11/17

Anon, i had my abortion in 2005 and am still not over it psychologically - my (now) ex and i still stayed together up to a few months ago trying to make things work. So I understand when you say you want to conceive and have a baby by him. Trust me, you dont! There is a reason you guys didnt work out and why you didnt have that baby. Break the bond now or else you' ll be looking back (like me) now almost 3 years later and be sorry you stayed in a relationship that was doomed long ago. We felt like the abortion was the main reason we still stayed together but we were making each other sick in the process by clinging onto the past and not seeking counselling and starting afresh seperately. Take care dear

Reply to Joy
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/14

Zardi, yesterday i posted something...
maybe this will help you:

i had an abortion 1yr and 8 months ago. Since i woke up in hospital, to this day i regret it, i still cry myself to sleep.
I cant seem to get over what i have done.
Please help me? I havent told anyone about this. No one can ever know.
The guy i was with at that time, treated me badly, abused me in more ways than one. I didnt want to have a remeberance of him.
I was alone, scared!
Now i met another wonderful man, but i want to have a child with my ex boyfriend. I'  m no longer inlove with him, i hate his guts!
I think somehow im trying to make up for what i have done.
How can i get over the past for good?
This emotional pain is killing me!!!!!!!

To anyone out there reading this who is considering doing what i have done - my advise to you... DON'  T DO IT!!!!!!!
Please don'  t! I may not know your circumstances and may not know what you'  re going through, but always remember that the Lord will not give you a cross which you cannot bear. I wish i had taken heed of these words back then. DON"  T do it, you will regret it forever. Stay strong, you will make it somehow, believe me!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Siya | 2008/11/14


I think you should not do it, a friend of mine did it 7months ago and she really regrets it and now she is having problems with her boyfriend. She is also having back problems as well

Reply to Siya
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/14

Zardi, I think you should go have a look at the infertility forum. Read the heartbreak and despair of the women there wanting nothing else but to have a baby and then see if you still want an abortion.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: anon | 2008/11/14

I fell pregnant after having 2 kids, not planned at all, my husband unemployed, with lots and lots of debt to pay. I was crying, my husband laughing.... he said, we are married, and God would not give us this child if He did not think it was the right thing at this moment, because God has a plan with everything.... and today, my son is 4 years old and he is the biggest blessing i' ve ever had..... (not the other 2 arent, but Im sure you know hwat I mean)

Reply to anon
Posted by: Me | 2008/11/14

I agree with Pop, if you wait until you feel its financially feasible, it will never happen. Believe me when I say you manage, you just do, i cant explain it. The money stretches to accomodate what you need. And once the child is there, your whole life changes, and you like the fact that it has changed.
Maybe its not the finances etc that are worrying you but how a child will affect your life in other ways. it is scary when its unexpected pregnancy, I know, you think you' ll never be able to do it, but it just takes time to get used to the idea of being a parent.

Most importantly - Speak to your husband, you cant make this decision on your own.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Pam | 2008/11/14

Zardi, please don' t do anything before thingking about it! I fell pregnant when I was 37 with my second child. I was horrified and also consider abortion, but I couldn' t do it. My little one is 4 now and if I think back on how I felt I burst out in tears because I can not think about my life without him!!! Everything happen for a reason, and I promise you you will be ready and you will love this child with all your heart!!! God know when to send you a present - please don' t kill your unborn child!!!!!

Reply to Pam
Posted by: HH | 2008/11/14

If you were my wife and I found out you were even considering this without me knowing, I would not only leave you, but take you for everything you have.

Yes I don' t agree with abortion, but my comments are about you wanting to kill someone else' s baby without their knowledge. Its disgusting and deceitful and you should be ashamed.

Reply to HH
Posted by: pop | 2008/11/14

I know your situation. There are however things that you need to consider. Firstly does your husband know of your intensions? Its his child too and you will have to take his feelings into account. This is a big issue that can affect your marriage. Secondly, this is something someone told me a while back. When is it ever the right time to have a child? We are constantly working, saving and preparing for the right time but in reality we feel as if we never have enough. Some people are desperate to have kids and some people can but dont want them. I think you should seriously chat with your husband - dont keep it a secret as it will come back to haunt you in time. Good luck with your descision

Reply to pop

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