Posted by: Samantha | 2004/10/31


I had an abortion 3 days ago,I really didn't know it wouldl affect me.I can't stop crying and thinking of what i did.I was 8 weeks pregnant.I just cant help thinking of what I did to the baby thinking if it felt pain I know it was early but i just cant help thinking about it.My boyfriend of 2 and a half years went with me to get it done.That same day he went out with his friends leaving me all by myself he said he'd come back but he didnt till the next day.he didnt even have the decency to phone.i eventually phoned him and i was really angry and hurt.he hasnt called or even come by to see how I'm doing.'Till today.I really dont know what to do cos i wont run after him,but I also can't go through this by myself.we are both 21 yrs old at college together.I'm sad and lonely and very guilty.i haven't told anyone and i don't know if i should.please help me!!

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Our expert says:
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Dear Samantha,

taking the decision to have an abortion is a very difficult one, and it is understandable that you are feeling deeply emotional about this. I can also understand why you feel hurt by your boyfriend not being there for you, and you should consider letting him know what your needs are in this regard.

Do your parents know? I think it would be advisable to see a counsellor to talk through your feelings about this as this will help you understand what is going on for you.

I am not sure where you are in SA, but if you are in Cape Town I could recommend a Psychologist for you. Otherwise, I suggest you contact your doctor who should be able to recommend a Psychologist in your area.

Please post another question if you would like me to recommend a Psychologist for you.

Remember that you have taken some difficult and brave decisions and you need time to deal with this. You might also consider posting a question to our GynaeDoc here at Health24 for further advice.

Take care of yourself, best wishes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Phia | 2004/11/03

honey i think the clinic where you had the abortion done should have a councellor. make an appointment with him/her and discuss your feelings openly. they are trained to answer all your questions and lay your fears to rest.

there are many opinions out there on the right and wrong of abortion, as you probably know by now. just sit down for one moment and try and picture the havoc a baby would have brought into your life at this stage... though many will disagree with me, i honestly believe you did what you believed was right for you and the child. stop crying, stop worrying, and have safe sex in future.

go well xxx

Reply to Phia
Posted by: Been There | 2004/11/02

Hi Samantha,

I am so sorry for your pain. I know ow you feel, I had a termination (God, I cant even say it) a year ago, I am now 21. My boyfriend and I went through quite a rough patch afterwards. I think it was his way of dealing with things. I think I creid every day for ages.

It is really hard, but you have got to believe you did it for the right reasons, and try not to second guess yourself, it will eat you alive if you do. I think about it often still, but it is a lot less painfull.

You will get through this, have you got anyone to support you? Any friends who you have told?

Reply to Been There
Posted by: K | 2004/11/01

This is a very sad situation and I sympathise deeply with you.

Does your boyfiend not perhaps feel guilty too? Perhaps you need to sit him down and both of you clear the air by expressing your thoughts on what has happened.

It was not a easy step to take and if you feel you have done the right thing then you need to move on with your life and stop beating yourself up!

Good luck and take care!

Reply to K

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