Posted by: LL | 2004/09/27


I think I'm pregnant and wish to have an abortion, who do I contact and where do I go, is it painful and what are the after effects

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGynaeDoc

I suggest Marie-Stopes. There is usually some pain afterwards. You should go for counselling before.

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Our users say:
Posted by: See a professional | 2004/09/28

hi there. u are in a horrible place right now with a big decision to make. if you can see a Gynae, they will support you. it does cost more but rather do it correctly than have a botched up op like they do at the clinics and suffer huge consequences.
Good luck. You are in my prayers.

Reply to See a professional
Posted by: Dolly | 2004/09/28

please reconcider...? its all very well to make the arrangements, but someone advised me last week, while i was feeling exactly as you are now, to visit a site called

after looking at the pictures i told myself "this isnt going to make any difference, my mind is made up". but 3days later when i arrived at the clinic to have the abortion done, i just couldnt go through with it.

have a look at the site, at least you have the right to make an INFORMED decision.

good luck, you are in my thoughts

Reply to Dolly
Posted by: Haunted | 2004/09/28

Dear LL

Please let us know what u have decided :)

Strength to you ...

Reply to Haunted
Posted by: Haunted | 2004/09/28

Dear LL

Please read the posting below by 'Empty' ... it is what really happens ... the baby you kill will forever haunt your heart and mind ... make a decision only once you have truly considered the consequences.
A baby is A LOT of hard work ... but the rewards (the joys) are unmeasurable).
Please don't kill your baby ... maybe consider adoption.
See below ...

I just wanted to share my story with anyone interested. I don’t want pity (even if all I need is God’s mercy) and you can judge me as you like (I am sure I deserve it) … but I am hoping that my story will help someone before they make the worst decision of their lives. The problem is that the decision itself is not so difficult (although painful) but it is having to live with yourself afterwards that really kills you. So before my time is up … let me save someone else from this pain.

I killed my unborn child a few days ago. I though I had no choice. I had a boyfriend who couldn’t/wouldn’t look after the child … and I cannot afford a pregnancy or to raise a child … if I could I most certainly would have. I didn’t know what to do. Having this child would have serious consequences for the father … we are in a forbidden relationship anyway … he insisted that we couldn’t have this child … his reasons are serious but not excuseable. So I was still left with “no choice”. And so u ask … why didn’t I just use contraception like a responsible adult … so in truth I do deserve this hell I am going thru.

Anyway … if you are deciding to have an abortion, terminate your pregnancy (whatever fancy word you use to disguise that u are really killing your own child), just read on to be informed … so you KNOW exactly what happens to you and not some simple “medical procedure”.

I went to a private clinic … supposing that I would get good, safe treatment by professionals. The first thing they do is collect the money (and it is quite a lot of money) from all their patients.

The staff are coldly friendly. As if they are doing a wonderful service. As if you are in the greatest care possible. But later you feel that something is missing.

They did a scan to determine how far along I was … 13 – 14 weeks they said. Sounded a bit strange since this would mean that I fell pregnant during menstruation … which I thought was not possible. I chose to have it done under sedation … didn’t want to be awake when they did it … so I was given two pink pills which they said were pain killers … In my ignorance I supposed it was logical to have pain killers. Then they gave me two more tablets which they said would make my cervix dilate a bit (make it open) … and again this made sense … it would make it easier to remove … but although I believe to an extent that it may have been medication for dilation … I have a feeling that the medication I was given was to loosen the inner lining of my uterus … and this I will justify soon.

I was then told to come back in two hours and the procedure would be done. I was alone and scared. I think I was mostly in a state of shock that I was actually doing something I am totally against and something so heart-wrenching. My body went into a state of “something” … I was shaking uncontrollably … I wanted to run away … but it was too late … I had already taken that medication. So I waited there … but was only attended to four hours later.

By this point I have convinced myself … or at least part of my mind that this is the only option for me. I do not call on God as I would in times of trouble … cos why would he help me when I am killing one of his children? … So I am totally alone. Just me. So I just don’t think anymore … I just watch all the other people in the waiting room.

Once they are ready to do the procedure they call all those girls/women who are there for “the procedure” to another room. I am totally shocked here because I did not expect that this would be done as a group … what happened to professional confidentiality??? But at this point I suppose they know that no one is going to complain … cos no body wants to make a big fuss … most of every woman there is doing this without anyone knowing … it is not something you want family and friends to know … if you make a fuss it will surely lead to other people finding out. SO you just do what they tell you to.

There were about 20 of us … and we were each give a tablet to swallow … we were told that it was a sedative that would make us drowsy in about half an hour. But no such thing happened. Again I suspect that this “sedative” had other functions. Perhaps to help the foetus disintegrate making it easier to remove. We are all given wrap-over skirts to wear and told to remove all other clothing below our waists. We are all sitting in a small room with a heater while they call us one-by-one to the slaughter. Everyone is scared, but to cope, they pretend that they are doing this for the better. And as women need to talk about everything … most of the women there share their “positive” thoughts. One girl says she found out that the father is a crack-addict so the baby will not have a good life, and will most probably be an addict itself. Another has plans to go overseas and a baby will only wreck her future. Another claims she was drugged and raped (she is the youngest and very traumatised, although her story is said very unconvincingly). One lady is a single mother of two and cannot afford another child. The rest just want to get over with this and forget it. I want to turn back time … but I can’t.

By now I am bleeding. At first it is not so much so I assume it is normal. Then on going to the toilet I have huge drops of blood and tiny chunks fall out my body. Again I just stop the panic and convince myself that this is normal. I go back to the room and tell the nurse. She smiles sweetly as if nothing in the world in bad and tells me to just wear a pad between my legs. Time goes by … and they are not calling my name yet … I bleed more and on going to the toilet again (so I don’t mess the seat I am on and the skirt), a huge chunk falls out of me, into the toilet, under the toilet paper I have used to wipe the seat, before I can see it properly … I am convinced that this was my baby or a large part of my baby … I almost convulse into tears but convince myself that I can’t behave like that and must get this over with. I clean myself and go back to the room. A lot more waiting. I am the third-last woman called. By now blood is pouring out me down my legs onto the carpet down the hall to the surgery table. My baby is strewn all over and later I see a cleaner washing it away.

On the table, the gynea talks to me very sweetly. He is putting the needle into my arm to insert the sedative. I am angry at him. Only because I am so scared and I can’t feel myself falling off to sleep yet. I hate him.

Then the doctor and the nurse are waking me and taking me off the table. My legs are walking but my eyes are still closed. I can feel two people walking me to the recovery room. I did not feel a thing. I have know idea what was done to me, except what they said they would do. I try to open my eyes so I do not fall off to sleep. I have to go now. I ask for my handbag in my drowsiness and the nurse kindly obliges. I phone my boyfriend to pick me up. He is already there. I know he loves me. I know he is very worried. I know that being a man he doesn’t want to say too much. But I can tell that he is deeply hurt. But he strongly believes that this is the only way for us.

But that was only a small part of the whole story. Now I feel like shit. I don’t want to live. I can’t live with myself. I killed my baby. Watched it fall down a toilet. Flushed it away. Watched it drip down a passage to doom. I had to go home and pretend that all in the world was well. My family would never in a million years have accepted what I did. They would have been extremely upset with me having fallen pregnant. They may even have threatened to shut me out of their lives (but they would not have done so). My family has been thru too much lately and I couldn’t burden them with a baby I couldn’t take care of. But they would die, if they knew what I did.

I can’t go on. I want to cry all the time. I want to sleep and never awake. I go to work and tear but no body sees me. I cry myself to sleep. I am empty. I want my baby … but it is too late.

How do I live knowing I killed my baby?
I don’t know how much longer I can live. I am dying inside. I am dead just dead. Going insane.

Find a way to help your baby. Otherwise your life could be a murdered baby and an insane woman.

Date: 20/7/2004

Reply to Haunted
Posted by: bene | 2004/09/28

I've been there . It was'nt very painful . Had mine done in the morning and I was back at work lunch time working as if nothing has happened . Get a good counsellor and you'll be able to mak epeace with it . I made peace with it , I had reasons why I did it , got good counselling and moved on. I even forget that I did it , it does not haunt me one bit . The counsellor told me to leave it behind me , get rid of anything that would remind me of it and I must always remember that I had a valid reason for doing it , I did not do it for fun . Today I still dont regret the decsiion I made . I still think it's the best decision I've made . I prayed to God as well and made peace with him and I know he'll give me another child when I'm ready. But I've also learnt that I need to be responsible and take precautions so that I dont have any more unwanted pregnancies. If I could et pregnant again and have t do it I wont feel the same way as I did with the first one . I wont have any excuse

Reply to bene
Posted by: Kayla | 2004/09/28

Its seems as though u havent considered the after effects of havin an abortion, it might not b painful, but emotionally u will be scared for life, trust me, i've been there,an its not a gud feelin' its actually haunting..think about it carefully..remember its a gift from god..(sumthing i realised when it was to late..)so pls i beg u, think about it..

Reply to Kayla
Posted by: Penelope | 2004/09/27

You must really be worried about the situation you are in to be posting this late at night!

You can have an abortion at your nearest MARIE STOPES Clinic. Check the telephone directory. They have branches all over the country. You can also go to a private gynaecologist, but they have very long waiting lists.

You will probably find that the nursing staff at the MARIE STOPES Clinics are less judgemental and more comfortable with the whole notion of abortion, than those at private hospitals (in general). They are likely to be more supportive and more sympathetic. Most importantly they won't avoid talking to you.

Having an abortion can be very painful if it is done without an anaesthetic. However, you can request an anaesthetic. It costs a lot more, but it is certainly very effective, and you will have no after-pains either.

The anaesthetic could leave you feeling groggy for a couple of days (or even weeks, as in my case). If you have mixed feelings about having the abortion, you may suffer from a depression similar to post-natal depression. To some extent, it also has a hormonal basis. Provided you are not having a late abortion (second trimester abortion), there should be no long-term physical effects.

Reply to Penelope

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