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Posted by: woe is me | 2006/04/18

a new age

I thought i posted this to you before but i can't find it! Anyway, what can I do with myself? I was brought up very conservatively and thought what i was told to think etc etc. I don't know whether i was happy or unhappy. In recent years i have followed this new age way of finding my authentic self, getting in tune with the universe etc. I'm not all airy fairy but I have found peace and joy in exploring these fields. On the other hand, I notice more than ever (it was there always but I couldn't identify it)my husband (of 30 years marriage) as a materialistic, controlling, shallow person. I should be able to be at peace with him but I like him less every day. I am glad for my new-age thinking because it has opened my mind but it has created conflict too and what now?Do I set myself free to be my true self (but a LOT poorer) or do I try to stay?

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Our expert says:
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If one has been brought up consrvatively and trained NOT to think for onself, learning to do so later in life can be a bit difficult --- after all, it represents changing the habits of a lifetime ; but it's worth it. And as one gains insight into oneself, one may indeed see other people in a different light, and not always a flattering one. Is there room to negotiate fruitfully within the future of your relationship ? COuld some marriage counselling help ---not necessarily to find ways for you two to stay together, though that may be feasible and worthwhile --- but at least to enable you both, should you decide to part, to do so more knowledgeably.

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Our users say:
Posted by: AL | 2006/04/18

Hi woe is me, what I hear you saying is that you have been growing in a different direction to your husband and now after 30 years find that you have very little in common with him and he with you. This is very commonplace, we women tend to be more inclined to spirituality than our male folk, but I probably wil be admonished for saying so, I know we can't generalise. You most likely are entering into a different phase of your life now, been there done that, got the T-shirt, etc. now need to follow your heart and do what feels right for YOU!. Counselling could benefit both you and your husband especially if you find it difficult to communicate your thoughts and feelings with him. You could also pursue and explore whats important to you whilst remaining in your relationship, the focus being on yourself. Hope this makes sense.

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