Posted by: Me again.. | 2008/09/04

A difficult one,to anyone who can relate

I' m ten weeks pregnant, my fiance decided that he did not want what he thought he wanted when we found out that I had fallen pregnant, although the baby was planned. We had our differences and I thought it good to put the wedding on hold, while he decides what he really wants. He dumped me just like that and also decided that I' m not really pregnant because I did not show him my blood test results (which was at the doc' s office in my file), he is 39 by the way. So I came to the conclusion that he was looking for excuses to ' dodge the bullet' .

Since he dissapeared (which I allowed, cause my doc told me that I would lose my baby if I did not bring down my stress levels), another ex of mine heard the big news and has been so wonderful and supportive. We broke up cause he was not ready for a serious relationship. But since he found out that I am pregnant he has been with me and near me every day. Wanting to help me and being so supportive, wanting to know how I feel physically and mentally and also building up my spirits when my baby' s father was over come with guilt and made up horrible stories. Last week I went to his house and he started crying when he tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. He said that he could not believe that I did not wait for him and that he wishes that it was his child growing inside me. It broke my heart and I realised that my old feelings of love for him has returned.

I try to keep him at a distance, because I do not want to burden him with the mess I find myself in, I don' t go over to his house and I never return the I love you' s. I also do not want to take on anymore stress, I want to enjoy my pregnancy as it is something I have always dreamed of.

I don' t want to get my hopes up, but what are the chances of it actually working out for me and the ex?

Or should I stop dreaming and hoping and just keep him at a distance?

He tells me that he loves me all the time and that he can' t stop thinking about me, and it' s though he' s matured through the situation and is being such a mature man...

What should I be thinking and doing - my first priority is my baby..but love is something that catches you by surprize..isn' t it??

I pray to God that I don' t suffer anymore heartbreak and can finally get my life together.

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Our expert says:
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A person really REALLY needs to decide firmly what they want before starting a pregnancy, or planning marriage. Does he not recognize that with a pregnancy, you and the child can't change their minds --- so why should he ?
And the other man has behaved like a real man, and a gentleman, too. Don't be unduly cruel to him --- sounds like he has grown up, and the biodad has grown down. Take him seriously, and consider seeing a counsellor to more closely and fruitfully examine your alternatives.

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