Posted by: Aunt | 2005/07/28

A choice?

My nephew recently told his mother that he's gay. Please answer a question for me: to what extent is being gay a matter of choice? I'd value an honest answer.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Aunt,

Thanks for your question. This question is often asked and is a relection of the arrogance of heterosexism.

You didn't wake up one morning and decide that you will be heterosexual. Yet you assume that somehow, gay people made a decision to be gay. Aunt, no-one decides on or chooses their sexual orientation. In the same way that left-handed people didn't choose to be different from the majority of right-handed people.

In terms of sexual orientation, the only choice we have relates to how we want to live our lives. We can decide to 'pretend' to be straight or we can decide to be honest with ourselves and live our lives accordingly.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Direct | 2005/07/30

You're wrong - I bet she wanted the expert to admit that being gay is a choice (why else would she say "be honest"?). I don't think she wanted to support the family member (her nephew).

Reply to Direct
Posted by: Accept you all | 2005/07/30

I think some of you are a bit harsh. The fact that the aunt asks the q shows to me that she wants to support the family member who came out of the closet! You should try to be kind to gay-friendly people, otherwise you can not complain about homo-phobic nes!

Reply to Accept you all
Posted by: Carol | 2005/07/30

Wow - I think Aunt got the message she needed, loud and clear. She won't be asking this question again very soon. I hate it when straight people say being gay or lesbian is a choice. My mother's always telling me that I chose to be lesbian and that I made a poor choice, and one day I'll decide to be straight again.

Reply to Carol
Posted by: Jemi | 2005/07/29

Hiya aunt. I am a fifteen year old girl and i know that I am Bisexual. I didn't choose this I am a Christian and believe in hetrosexual relationships however there is no denying the fact that I am attracted to both men and women. Your nephew should be praised for coming out to his mother and you shouldn't question his sexuality. He is gay and he wouldnt have gone through the ordeal of telling his mother if he wasnt sure about it.

Reply to Jemi
Posted by: dyl | 2005/07/29

to add to the above, comming out to your family and friends is a choice, the life you decide to live is a choice, but who you are attracted to has nothing to do with making a desision. you are who you are, like it or not.

Reply to dyl
Posted by: Dyl | 2005/07/29

Hi Aunt, please don't get me wronge but here's a q for you. to what extent is being straight a metter of choice? either you are or you arn't gay.

Reply to Dyl

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