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Question
Posted by: pieces | 2004/11/03

a broken man

Why is it, that after a broken heart, you feel that you have finally met someone who will love you with all their heart, and all you get is heartache again. Why does love have to be so painful. Everyone says the same thing, its a learning experience, but i am through being taught. She broke me for the past few weeks, and here i stand, in tatters, no pride, no confidence, no hope. Wishing an angel would come take all my feelings away, make me numb.
Why do we give so much......... Thank you for listening

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Our expert says:
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I think this often happens because, while still broken hearted ( especially if one hasn't worked through the issues in counselling and accelerated one's healing ) one tends, on the rebound not only to be emotionally vulnerable, but to leap into new relationships without all the reasonable precautions one would otherwise apply. Seek counselling, to make the most of this lesson, and to be able to avoid learning it again in the future.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Skye | 2004/11/04

hi there

read your mail and i am truly sorry for you. i know it hurts like hell and there is nothing but time that can heal those wounds.

i used to get really hurt too coz i went from one relationship to another. never gave myself time to figure out what went wrong in the previous one. just wanted to fill a gap. i believe that if you take time out to find out what kind of person you do / dont want, it will make it easier in the long run.

most of us are attracted to the physical and then we get together and find out (whatever the time limit) that we are not meant to be and break up. the one left behind hurts and it becomes another scar on your self confidence.

if i can give you any advice, then it is that when you meet someone take your time getting to know them. take 3 months before you give anything meaningful of yourself. if you find in week 3 or 8 that you are compatible with this person then go for it.

but first spend time with them, real time. delay sex as long as possible coz everytime you break up its like you lose a piece of your soul especially when you have had sex with that person.

take time to find out who you are. really find out. read books, spend time alone doing stuff you like. go to the movies on your own, spend time with good friends, take long afternoon sleeps, enjoy your hobbies etc. etc. i find that when we are comfortable on our own and dont need someone to fill the loneliness we feel inside it is much easier to be in a relationship.

take your time broken man. give slowly and carefully and make the luck lady realise what a wonderful man you are. respect her, listen to her, have her respect you, listen to you, share emotions (not sex), share dreams, realities. if you can be friends for three months and then get sexual i promise you will more than likely have the recipe for success.

good luck.

Reply to Skye
Posted by: skydiver | 2004/11/03

You are but HUMAN. We all are, and we all unveil ourselves to the ones we love and (hope) will love us too.

Reply to skydiver
Posted by: Klippies | 2004/11/03

Die lewe is soos 'n "nicker ball"- hard maar lekker. Ek glo nog dat daar meer in die lewe is as net pyn en swaar kry. Liefde is die wonderlikste ding op aarde en ons almal het liefde nodig om te survive, maar ongelukkig is liefde gekoppel aan hartseer en verdriet. Daar is ook 'n ontsettende dun lyntjie tussen liefde en haat. Dink daaroor.
Die belangrikste ding om te doen wanneer jy gebreek en nutteloos voel as gevolg van 'n liefdesteleurstelling, is om te gaan sit en kalm te dink - wat positief kan ek uit hierdie hele nare ondervinding kry. As jy lank genoeg dink gaan jy heelwat kry. Moenie op die negatiewe konsentreer nie, al is dit hoe moeilik. Bly positief al is jou hart baie seer.

Reply to Klippies
Posted by: blackbird | 2004/11/03

Wel ...just hang in there, and if you ever find that angel that comes and makes you numb, please giver her/him/it my addy to.

Time they say, time...but i ask HOW LONG !!!!!

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: Lucia | 2004/11/03

Hi Pieces

Yes, I am going to say it ....I have learnt that life itself is one big learning experience and a very wise person once told me that the day we decide that we have learnt enough, is the day that we start to merely co-exists. We become boring, vegetative beings whom nobody shows any interest in. Don't think you want to go that route do you ? When I talk about learning, I do not mean merely gaining experience through failed relationships, I am talking about gaining knowledge about all aspects of life - this absorbtion of knowledge empowers us as people to lead better lives and to make better judgements when it comes to things such as choosing life partners. Learn some new skills, take on new hobbies, etc, etc.

Those that continue to learn are the ones that draw others to them, the ones that eventually, through their wisdom finds the right one.

I know it hurts to loose someone, especially if you were under the impression that you have hit the jackpot and that you have found the love of your life. Like BEEN THERE says, the trick is to learn from our mistakes and to get over it. Do not see every relationship that did not work out as a failure. With every relationship we learn something - find that something and apply it to the next relationship.

Also give yourself time to heal properly from a broken relationship - I am a strong believer that those who become involved in a new relationship too soon after a break-up tend to do poorly in the new relationship because they still have way too baggage from the previous relationship. IOW - don't fall for someone whilst on the re-bound.

Hope I made some sense - don't give up, this world has millions and millions of inhabitants, your mate is out there somewhere - shine like a lighthouse and you will not go unnoticed.

Reply to Lucia
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

Hi Pieces,

I feel for you man. Heart-break is not a pleasant experience, & sometimes even feels worse than being bed-ridden in a hospital after a pain-staking operation. Guess you might even be feeling that that's where you'd like to be right now. All I can say is hang in there man.

Oh, I would like to add, you said why do we give so much... Thats just how you are man. You give coz thats your nature. Sometimes, just sometimes, we hope to get in return too, & if you weren't getting in return, then sorry to say man, I don't think she was the right girl for you. If she didn't appreciate your giving attitude & nature, then I don't think she is even worth your heart-break you feel.

See, I admire you, coz as you say, you were hurt before, & you tried to love again. Damn, that my man, in my books is a brave thing to do. You are who you are & you are prepared to love & trust, that's who you are. You will hurt coz you need that, but I'll be honest, I have hope for you, coz I think you have hope for yourself!!!

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Twanette | 2004/11/03

The answer I will never have for you.

I can only say that I know what you going through, the pain is terrible, it can not be described to anybody that has not been through something like you going through.

Die pyn word minder, maar nie die herinnerings nie. Hopelik kom 'n mens net 'n wyser persoon ander kant uit.

Sterkte

Reply to Twanette
Posted by: BEEN THERE | 2004/11/03

COS WE SUCKERS FOR 4 PUNISHMENT..BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY..WE WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH THAT SPECIAL SOME ONE, AND INORDER TO DO THAT, WE HAVE TO TAKE RISKS WHICH DON'T WORK OUT SOME TIMES. THE TRICK IS TO GET OVER IT AND TAKE MORE RISKS.

Reply to BEEN THERE

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