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Question
Posted by: not usual nic | 2005/11/22

A Bitter Goodbye ???

Email to my ex:

I am at a point where I have to say my final goodbyes to you, but with a few wishes for you and the girls.

For the girls, my wish is that they grow up to be the happiest, most loving, caring, understanding, considerate, peaceful souls in the world. I love them to bits, and miss them more than you’ll ever know, and I just wish everything of the absolute best in the whole universe for them.

For you I wish different things. I am battling to forgive you for a few things you have done, and a few things you are still doing, which you have refused to see or acknowledge, refused to apologize for, and refused to make any effort to repair.

I can ask God to forgive you, as in “Forgive her Lord for she knows not what she’s done”, but for the hurt that I have experienced and still am experiencing, despite the fact that I still really love you, I cannot forgive you, and so wish differently for you.

Until you one day realize what you’ve done, and what you are doing,
from the bottom of my heart
I wish that you NEVER find happiness in life, ever,
I wish that you NEVER find peace in your life, ever,
and I wish that you NEVER find love again, ever.

As God is my witness, these are my wishes, until I pray one day you do realize what you’ve done and still doing, and you make an effort to repair this.

Do not reply, as I have set my server to block any emails from you. Do not sms either, as you know me, I delete things I do not want to read.

I pray God forgives you and gives you guidance, and the ability to see what this is all about. That is my prayer.

Goodbye.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I suppose my main question is --- did writing this make yopu fel better, give you some sense of peace ? Sometimes it is very well worthwhil;e to write such letters, though probably best without actually sending them ( often, the person they're aimed at, if they deserve it, don't have the capacity to understand it properly ).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Whattodo | 2005/11/22

God I hear you. I am experiencing very similar feelings only in my case there are no children involved. I have written a letter which is almost a carbon copy of yours but haven't sent it yet as I am certain she won't feel a thing if she reads it. I know the pain is unbearable but I wish you all the best. Keep fighting for your strength and day by day you will gets stronger. God bless.

Reply to Whattodo
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/22

When we're hurting, we very seldom act in mature ways. I don't think you're childish at all, your feelings and behaviour are normal.

You might not have the standard of living you had before, thanks to her. Difference is, you will get there again, because of your own doing, not because of your exes help and financial abilities.

I'm really sorry that you're hurting like this, I wish there was a magic word I could say to make you see that you are one special guy, who deserves far better than her, a magic word to take away all your hurt.

Take care of yourself, emotionally, the material things mean nothing and in time, you will be back on track!

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: not usual nic | 2005/11/22

No Buzz, this letter was not out of anger. I am past that stage. Anger would have really stabbed her without any concern for options of happiness and well being.

This is hurt speaking, an expression of my feelings, and I want her to understand what she has done, what she is doing. Why should I care about what she understands or not? Maybe just because I am battling to rebuild a life that I allowed her to wreck, while she sits pretty on her throne, smug. And maybe because this is just part of the healing process, which will pass once I have my life back on track, and I no longer need to care about what happened. Right now, what has happened still affects me and my life directly, fiancially, home-wise etc, not only emotionally but in the way I live, my lifestyle, the steps I have had to take backwards.When I am back on track, maybe then I wont care so much, feel so much.

Childish I suppose in some ways, but quite frankly at this stage I am not phased by how childish it is or isn't. I need to do what I need to in order to get my life back, my pride, my identity. It is afterall, my life!

Reply to not usual nic
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/22

I apologise for thinking you were someone else, must admit, I'm still not convinced. But it doesn't matter who you really are.

I want to tell you that this too, will pass. You wrote her this letter out of anger, but you probably don't realize that it's another step in the healing process. You are such a caring person, with so much love to give, I just don't think the "right" girl has come along yet. As far as I'm concerned, she's lost, not you. All the best, I'm thinking of you.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: not usual nic | 2005/11/22

Buzz : No

Dude, sometimes people do not see truth and reality until it bites them in the bum. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom to see the light. If everyones just sits back and walks away from things, what good is that? And what about the next person who comes into her life? What about her ex husband, who I know, and he is a great guy. Only now do I understand what he went through, and only now do I understand his words to me a long time ago when he wished me luck.

So what, I wish her as much lousy stuff, within reason, as I possibly can, but at the same time there is a way out of it, and that is for her to see what she has done not only to me, but to her ex, and her kids indirectly. If we all walk away, she just carries on as she is. Maybe I am contradicting myself here by wanting the best for her, not assuming responsibility, yet at the same time wanting to give her a hiding like a kid so she can learn. I suppose that is what love is, you hate what happens, but not the person.

Yes, I am bitter, yes I am hurt, yes I feel screwed over, and yes I feel like going over there and burning her house down because she does not deserve it, and yes, I feel like slapping that smile off her face because of what she claims to have built up for herself. What she has built up for herself has been at the tremendous expense of other people, like her ex husband and myself. Today my bitterness is pouring out, an dits about time, and it will continue to pour out for while still, only way to get rid of it.

I have said my say to her, and now let it be, no need to say or do anymore.

Reply to not usual nic
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/22

Not usual nic, you didn't answer my question?

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: not usual nic | 2005/11/22

Damages done through unjustices unfortunately cannot be undone. No amount of apology will change what has been done, and no amount of apology will change the person she is. You are so right "..." she will not see it for what it is, will not be able to look within.

But I need peace, because without peace I cannot move forward. Time heals, yes, but I'm not going to bow silently out without having my say from my heart, I do not wish her eternal unhappiness, in fact I so wish and pray she would see what has been done, understand it, because she lives in an illusionary world. She is not my responsibility, but tolerating the hurt, rebuilding my life, that is my responsibility. I want the best for her, I truly do, but not at my expense. In her heart she is a wonderful, dedicated, committed woman, but with issues. I fell in love with the girl inside, the woman inside behind the issues. But she is a victim of her own devices, sadly.

To rebuild a life from nothing, with nothing other than the remnants of your spirit, is not an impossible task, but its not made easier with the knowledge that she lives like a queen with all that is yours, materially and spiritually, your soul you left behind. She does not deserve it, and I dont have the inclination to enter into a legal battle with bad energy and karma. Let that bad energy and karma reside with her in her illusionary world, and let her try sleep peacefully at night with her conscience, while I at least sleep knwoing my conscience is clear. And finally, let me part with one final reminder of the truth. Whether she chooses to acknowledge it or not, that is her business.

Thank you for allowing me to express here, and for your tremendous support.

Reply to not usual nic
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/22

dude.... read carefully.... and from someone who was involved in a slanging match with a princess on this very forum..... you are forgetful ... selective memory is a wonderful thing hey????????

Reply to ...
Posted by: Dude | 2005/11/22

its not suprisin ow the group shrink ead of this forum goes out 2 someone oo is like a bitch outta ell cause ee broke up wif eez bitch... thats fine but congratulation on a letta statin ow ee wishes er all the worst in life is jus as PATHETIC as em bitches ooo wanna shag men 33 years er senior ..
iz amazed at ow childish an lackin in life experience mos of em people r around ere..

YEA WELL DONE MATE ON A GREAT LETTA... OPE U FEEL BETA... BUT GROW UP bout wishin the worst on people ... thats BITCH LIKESAY, GRAP UZ BALLS IF U AVE ANY

Reply to Dude
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/22

sorry you are hurting so much... your pain is understandable... when we love someone, and that person abuses the love, and never does any introspection about their actions, it ends up make that pain so much worse...........
the wheel turns and she won't find the peace and happiness until she understands her ways... and learns from the experiences she has had... and so your wish to her isn't as bad as some readers might first think...... you want her to grow and learn and acknowledge....... which is ultimately good for her.... chances are though, she won't take it that way....... she's going to think you ultimately wish her everything that is bad... because people who never look within are quick to look for the negatives in others......... but i think you are doing a good thing not to communicate with her further and you have at expressed how you feel....
you will feel better with time.... and you'll have good and bad days... but the forum is here for you too... you don't always have to be the one giving the advice .... best wishes.

Reply to ...
Posted by: Sympathetic | 2005/11/22

I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile.......... but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

Reply to Sympathetic
Posted by: Just Me | 2005/11/22

You know, i'm soo glad you posted that letter. I'm definitely going to copy it and send it to my husband whom i just divorced. There couldn't be a better way of expressing one's self. The letter is brilliant. Thanx for posting it.

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Funkyheart | 2005/11/22

This sounds like Figured it out. Shame pain we cause to others is terribly sad. I just wish that people had the same consideration we have for them. Truth, honesty, loyality and love. Respect too. My heart goes out to you. Your letter is so passionate i wish you all the best in healing.

Reply to Funkyheart
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/22

Maybe you just are not ready to forgive just yet....
breakups has its stages.......and the anger stage must be there i think....
And i dont think its all that bitter to say that you hope she doesnt find happyness, UNTILL SHE REALIZES WHAT SHE DID!!!
it means, the moment she realizes & has remorse for what she did, you can wish her better wishes?

I'm really sorry, cuz you are so sad & so hurt.
This morning I felt my world is falling apart & now I realize, my world is actually just wonderful.

My wishes for you is ONLY THE BEST!!!

Reply to Delene
Posted by: Dude | 2005/11/22

uz sound like a bitch that az been scorned wishin all that shyte on someone an en sayin don respond 2 me wishin shyte on uz cause iz aint gonna read it... a bit childish regardless of wots gone down ...

y wud u wish arm apun someone... thats very donut like?

Reply to Dude
Posted by: Cookie | 2005/11/22

You cant let this defeat you, and I meant what I said about the bitterness. You seem like a man capable of wonderfull things, you are deep and sensitive. There is someone out there who would love to love you. How can you be open to any of it if you wallow in a pool of bitterness?

You have to learn that things in life happen, i believe for a reason- you will get better.

Please do not let her kill your spirit.

Reply to Cookie
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/22

Is this you 17/5?

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: not usual nic | 2005/11/22

I am not abandoning the girls, I have no chioce, they have been taken away from me. I have been taken away from them.

And they are not my girls, they are from her previous marriage.

Reply to not usual nic
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/22

one can feel your pain...
I read it about 6 times.
its so striking that I'm outa words.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: Cookie | 2005/11/22

Let me get this right? You are abandoning your girls because you haveissues with your ex wife? Please - that is extremly selfish. No sympathies there.

As for your bitterness, it is a slow working poison which will consume and twist you, forgiveness is your salvation and path into a better life for yourself.

Bitterness is like swallowing poison and expecting your enemy to die. Doesn't work that way.

Reply to Cookie
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/22

Its a sad letter.

I dont know the story. But what she did must have been terrible to not be able to forgive her at all.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/22

What a beautiful, angry letter written in so much pain. I wish you would find forgiveness in your heart, not for her, but for you. By finding forgiveness, you will set yourself free. All the best, I wish you well stranger!

Reply to Buzz

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