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Question
Posted by: Carol | 2006/07/24

A bit of help pls CS

Hey CS ... how are u ?? how is kitty ??

I have been great , but one thing has been bothering me terribly .. maybe u can help?

Since my dad died , i have missed him , but i havent felt as devastated as what I did when I lost my mom.

Now while he was alive he used to run her down horribly .. he was a very heavy drinker , but I adored my mom and we were very close .. she had a rough time with my father IMO. Anyhow lately I seem to find myself dwelling on the past , my childhood etc ... its been really getting me down , so I found a quiet spot cleared my head and sat down to THINK ... why is my childhood bothering me so much , why arent I devasted about losing my dad... why do I keep thinking that he was actually a very miserable, very bitter old man , and that he had no right to take his mistakes out on others ???

I used to read a lot as a child , in fact I was always in trouble for not doing chores and having my nose in the newest enid blyton or whatever. As a young adult my memories of childhood were happy ones .. I used to brag I had the perfect childhood ..... hahahahah I have been fooling myself for 44 years , my childhood was horrible..... my mother worked like a dog , she was very strict , not particulary loving or affectionate , and never ever encouraged me to do anything other with my life than get married !!! my father drank like a fish and was locked up more times than I remember.

Im not feeling sorry for myself BTW , I havent done too badly , im very happy have 3 lovely children , they are becoming solid adults , and im happily married. I just need to get it of my chest .... I spoke to hubs about this and I have felt better since.

My childhood was a self made fairy tale it seems.

But why do some people get so bitter and miserable that they destroy others lives ??? Yes life is hard , mine has been hard , but a positive attitude helps .... I dont blame others for my mistakes, its my mess up to fix .... I have learnt that the less im content with the more I get. I make a point of learning a new thing every day ... my Granny had the same attitude and she dies at the ripe old age of 103!!!

My entire family has split right down the middle ... the glue died now there is nothing ... I do however have my hubs and the kids .. more than a lot of people !!

Just your thoughts pls CS

Other than that we are great .. farm life is marvelous and hubs is a new man :)

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Our expert says:
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Hi Carol,
Kitty sends his warm regards ( he's much more cheerful in the slightly warmer weather ). Interesting how these recollections worked out. I suspect many of us live with a self-invented, mythical childhood. And isn't it interesting how differently people react to similar situatons Some, as you say, grow bitter, and feel entitled to take it out on innocent others. Others just roll up their sleeves and make the best of a bad job. You have done so well rom a background that others might have allowed to overwhelm them.
And hubs is a new man ? which new man is he, these days ?

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