Our expert says:
Obviously this was not the sort of news anyone would have been pleased to hear about. It's hard to fully understand as you don't indicate when this happened (last week or a decade ago ) or what aspects of the story are really upsetting you.
You need to know that it is typical that victims of rape or other serious trauma, often have difficulty in remembering some details of what happened, while they are usually haunted by intrusive reminders of it for many years afterwards. It is not useful to anyone to harry her for details.
It is also typical that people, maybe especially women, who are abused and even raped at work, hesitate to tell others, or to take steps to lay criminal charges, for fear of how others will react. People often do not tell their spouse, for fear of exactly the sort of reaction you describe yourself as showing.
In such a situation, many people in you position would feel very angry about what was done to your wife, and towards the slimy slug who abused his position at work to coerce her into non-consensual sex : that a crime, called rape. One would feel sympathy and concern for your wife's well-being.
It sounds, though, as though you may be feeling more bothered by the fact that she had sex, whether delighted or raped, as though despoiling your wife was more of an injury and insult to you than to her.
She probably deserves to see a personal counsellor with experience in such matters, to help her work through her reactions, and to free herself from the damage that was caused to her. And you may really benefit from seeing a counsellor yourself, to better understand your own reactions, and come to terms with these, and to learn how to support and help your wife.
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