Posted by: Toni | 2019/02/18

Wife duties

My husband wants me to initiate sex more and he always says I don't love him because I don't initiate more. I equate that to sex drive. He has more sex drive than I do and I really like it when he initiates. I love him and I enjoy having sex with him no matter who initiates. How can I make him understand? It's hard to initiate sex when you don't feel like having sex, the sex ends up not feeling good but I also want to satisfy my husband and make him feel special. Please advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/02/18

Hello Toni,
I'm sure other readers will have experienced similar problems, and may have  helpful suggestions. 
This really isn't about wifely duties, but about a couple's duties to each other.
Surprisingly many people, especially men, fancy themselves as breath-takingly brilliant lovers,  though they may lack some very basic skills. One is that a genuinely good lover doesn't just expect to get what they want when they want it : they are aware of their partner's feelings, and communicate, and find what pleases both of them, and the best times, for both of them, to do this.
Initiating isn't a matter of blowing a whistle when you're in the mood, and expecting your partner to come running ! 
Women are usually better at talking about emotional matters,  so choose a relaxed time and start a chat, by telling him what you say in your message here : that you love him very much, and really enjoy having sex with him.  Remind him that like most people, you don't always feel in the mood for sex : for many reasons not actually about him or your relationship.  For you to initiate sex at those times would be phony, and you think he deserves more than that.  Even then, if he is in the mood, his foreplay can usually get you in the mood ( and maybe mention some of the things he does which especially please you, maybe suggest some things you'd enjoy and which he could also try.
Emphasize that you raise these points because he is so special to you, and you want to understand him better, and what best pleases both of you, and that you'd like to hear his opinions.

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