Our expert says:
One of the many tragedies of getting old, is that we may become even more ourselves than ever. It's awful becoming dependent on others in any way, especially for those of us who have prided ourselves on being independent. Some people, of course, have never been independent, or wanted to be thus. So maybe they don't really notice the impact their needs have on other people lives.
Sounds like you made many sacrifices for her, to the point that she came to take this for granted ; maybe for a range of other reasons, she never bothered to develop the basic skills of self-care ; never bothered to make ordinary provisions for her own old age, and further developed a malignant sense of entitlement. Toxic Narcissist sounds about right.
You refer to a recent psychiatric evaluation, so presumably it has been established that she is not senile / dementing. It's not your fault ; perhaps you had a sense of duty or responsibility that exceeded that of your sibs who seem to have managed to ignore her and leave her. You mention your father. who also seems to have managed to escape from her. Was that by suicide ? If so, you must find a better route.
You mention a social worker, apparently involved, who should know the legalities and alternatives. I'm not sure of the legal issues of any extent to which you are responsible for her care ( balanced against her duty to and capacity to, care for herself ; but if there is any such responsibility, it has to be shared by your sibs.
I am bothered by the extent to which you need to care for yourself : your comments suggest an exaggerated sense of guilt, and a need to keep justifying your perfectly reasonable desire to be unburdened and independent.
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